I Want My Dead TV

A slightly butchered version of Sting's memorable intro to Dire Straits' classic Money for Nothing seems appropriate here. After all, we're talking the round the clock death network. Really. A German man is starting up a television network devoted 24/7/365 to aging, death and dying. No, really, he is.

Eos TV, which takes its name from the Greek goddess of the dawn, will feature documentaries about graveyards, televised obituaries, tips on finding a decent retirement home and even how to install in-house stair lifts.

The €10 million (£7 million) project was conceived by Wolf Tilmann Schneider, 51, a former television producer who has joined forces with Germany's funeral association to launch the 24-hour, seven days a week, death-and-dying channel on cable television and the internet.

Mr Schneider told The Sunday Telegraph: "More than 800,000 people died in Germany last year. Multiply that by four and you have a rough estimate of the number of relatives affected. They will be our target audience. We are convinced that Eos TV will attract viewers."

The channel aims to capitalise on the changing demographics in a country that has one of the lowest birth rates in the world. Last year there were almost 150,000 more deaths than births, and an estimated 2.1 million elderly people were receiving professional care. "There are millions of people confronting the issues of ageing and death," Mr Schneider said.

This whole idea is so depressing. It says an awful lot about the demographical disaster that Europe faces.