The Invasion Has Begun

In 1951 the dean of American science fiction, Robert Anson Heinlein, published a dire warning to the world in the form of a novel named The Puppetmasters. Oh, many critics have tried to say that Heinlein was warning of the threat of communism with his tale of brain-sucking slugs taking over humans for fun and profit. Not so! He was really warning about the dangers of the Animal Uprising™ and we have proof. A man has been detained at New York's LaGuardia airport. Which is not in and of itself remarkable, New York being New York, but the man was being controlled by the monkey in his ponytail!

NEW YORK - A man smuggled a monkey onto an airplane Tuesday, stashing the furry fist-size primate under his hat until passengers spotted it perched on his ponytail, an airline official said.

The monkey escapade began in Lima, Peru, late Monday, when the man boarded a flight to Fort Lauderdale, Fla., said Spirit Airlines spokeswoman Alison Russell. After landing Tuesday morning, the man waited several hours before catching a connecting flight to LaGuardia Airport.

During the flight, people around the man noticed that the marmoset, which normally lives in forests and eats fruit and insects, had emerged from underneath his hat, Russell said.

"Other passengers asked the man if he knew he had a monkey on him," she said.

The monkey spent the remainder of the flight in the man's seat and behaved well, said Russell, who didn't know how it skirted customs and security.

Airport police were waiting for the man and his monkey when the plane landed about 3 p.m., and the man was taken away for questioning. It was unclear whether he would face any criminal charges.

It's the Invasion of the Body Snatchers - with monkeys. We here at Blue Crab Boulevard urge our faithful readers to do what we have done - shave your head at once so the monkeys can't get a grip on your hair to suck your brains out. Do the same for all your loved ones. Oh, sure, the dog looks funny but she'll thank you later when she hasn't been enslaved by a simian puppetmaster. And your spouse will forgive you, if he or she really loves you. Right, Honey? Honey?

UPDATE: CBS picks up the story and completely misses the real dangers of mind-conrtrolling marmosets and focuses on "health concerns". Will the media never learn?

Other Links to this Post

1. Blue Crab Boulevard » Monkey Mayhem In Madison — Thursday, 9 August , 2007 @ 7:39 am