Monkey Mayhem In Madison
The Animal Uprising™ has taken an ugly turn in Madison, Wisconsin. Brain-sucking monkeys are now disguising themselves as human babies to camouflage their mind-control of victims. And they're chewing on bystanders, too.
MADISON, Wis. - Authorities captured a diaper-wearing monkey who led them on a downtown search after biting a woman.
The 20-year-old woman reported being bitten on the thumb as she tried to pet the animal early Wednesday.
The woman was walking by State Street Brats, a popular nightclub, where a man had the monkey on a leash inside its beer garden. People walking by were petting the monkey, who was wearing a white diaper.
Obviously, the hat disguise wasn't working for the monkeys, so they're trying the diaper routine instead. When police tried to take the monkey into custody, the miscreant puppetmaster pulled an Oliver and went on the lam.
By 7:15 a.m., police found the man and the monkey. But the man lost the handle on the monkey before an animal control officer arrived and it got loose.
Police issued a warning to the public of the foot-tall monkey with a long prehensile tail: "It is now on the lam, presumably still in the State Street area."
They issued an APB on the monkey? Note the odd wording: "the man lost the handle on the monkey". Who, exactly, had who on a handle? We here at Blue Crab Boulevard urge people to look very, very closely at any babies you see. They may not be babies at all. They may be mind-controlling beings that utterly control the adults they are with. Um. That describes babies, doesn't it? Hmm. It's going to be very hard to tell them apart.
By BubbaB, Thursday, 9 August , 2007 @ 10:26 am
My wife is expecting identical twin girls in the next three weeks, and the idea of “babies mind-controlling the beings they are with” is very accurate!! They usually start off with sleep deprivation, and move on to biological/chemical assaults. Beyond that, they use the old psy-ops standard of loud noises. But the most heinous method they use is to look at you with those big eyes, and making “goo” sounds. My mind turns to mush at that…
By Gaius, Thursday, 9 August , 2007 @ 10:39 am
Babies perfected mind control a long time ago. Its why the race has survived!