This Isn’t Funny

We here at Blue Crab Boulevard were a bit disappointed when our reporting on the last depravity of the Animal Uprising™ did not get the expected reaction from humans. We pointed out that the group mind of the squirrels had fixed their sights on chocolate. We expected and immediate counter-uprising against the squirrels for that one. Only it did not happen. People thought it was "cute." That, sadly, has emboldened the animals. They are still after the chocolate, but now they are also after another human treat:

They're coming for your ice cream.

Like all air raids, it required meticulous planning, precision flying and a great deal of confidence.

First the herring gull selected its vantage point near to the seafront kiosks selling ices and fast food.

Patiently it waited on a wall for the right victim to stroll along.

At last, a tourist arrived, ice-cream cone held at the perfect angle, blissfully unaware that the food snatcher of St Ives was about to strike.

It was all over in less than a second.

Down swooped the gull and suddenly the horrified tourist found her vision obscured by a large bundle of white feathers.

It pecked up a sizeable portion of her ice cream, pushed its feet against her shoulder for better lift-off and soared away, instantly swallowing its precious booty.

Yes, folks. The Animal Uprising™ is real. And they are after more than world domination. They are after your snack food. Soon you will be forced to subsist on Brussels Sprouts.

Proof That Illegal Drugs Make You Stupid

This reads like a comedy skit. It really does. Police in Eugene, Oregon had raided an apartment suspected of being a drug house. They had the occupant handcuffed on a couch while writing up a citation when there was a knock on the door.

As detectives stood around with their badges hanging from their necks and latex gloves on their hands, the man asked the tenant, "Can you hook me up?" Webber said.

The tenant was seated on the couch with handcuffs around his wrists. A detective was writing him a citation.

The tenant said, "I don't think I can help you," Webber recalled, but the visitor persisted. He then allegedly turned to a detective and asked him for meth.

That didn't work out too well for the solicitor - they arrested him and found marijuana hidden on his person. But wait, there's more:

They also arrested a man who walked into the apartment carrying seven baggies of meth, Webber said.

A fourth man showed up at the apartment carrying an illegal butterfly knife, Webber said. He told police he had come to tell Puckett not to sell drugs to his girlfriend. He left with a citation for carrying a concealed weapon.

After that, the report says, the officers quit answering the door. I don't know why - they were on a roll. They could have taken down most of the druggies in town at the rate they were going.

Oh, Bull

I remarked to my wife just yesterday while leafing through the latest catalog from Cheaper Than Dirt that ammunition prices had risen rather sharply in the past year. Lo and behold, today there is an Associated Press article up over at the Yahoo News site blaming the increased prices and shortages that are hitting police forces across the country on - wait for it - the war in Iraq. But the reporter who blames this on the war does so by ignoring things he actually reports in his own article.

Troops training for and fighting the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are firing more than 1 billion bullets a year, contributing to ammunition shortages hitting police departments nationwide and preventing some officers from training with the weapons they carry on patrol.

An Associated Press review of dozens of police and sheriff's departments found that many are struggling with delays of as long as a year for both handgun and rifle ammunition. And the shortages are resulting in prices as much as double what departments were paying just a year ago.

"There were warehouses full of it. Now, that isn't the case," said Al Aden, police chief in Pierre, S.D.

Departments in all parts of the country reported delays or reductions in training and, in at least one case, a proposal to use paint-ball guns in firing drills as a way to conserve real ammo.

Forgoing proper, repetitive weapons training comes with a price on the streets, police say, in diminished accuracy, quickness on the draw and basic decision-making skills.

"You are not going to be as sharp or as good, especially if an emergency situation comes up," said Sgt. James MacGillis, range master for the Milwaukee police. "The better-trained officer is the one that is less likely to use force."

The pinch is blamed on a skyrocketing demand for ammunition that followed the start of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, driven by the training needs of a military at war, and, ironically, police departments increasing their own practice regimens following the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks. The increasingly voracious demand for copper and lead overseas, especially in China, has also been a factor.

That last "factor" is almost certainly the vast majority of the increase in price. Because, as the reporter even points out, almost all of the military ammunition comes out of a dedicated factory, the Lake City Army Ammunition Plant in Independence, Missouri. And military specification ammunition does not use the same propellant that civilian ammunition does (military ammo has to be "de-milled" before it can be sold to the public - the military-grade "gunpowder" (it isn't really gunpowder) has to be removed. The pressures are too high for civilian guns).

Is increased demand by the military a factor in all this? Sure. A minor one. The real driver here is the cost of the metal. Prices for every caliber of ammunition is up for every metallic cased cartridge that I saw, including calibers that are not in high demand by the military or police. (Not many police forces use .45 long Colt, but those prices are sky high. Which follows - they use a lot of metal.)  But shotgun ammunition, which does not have a solid metal casing, is not up as much as popular handgun ammunition as far as I could tell.

That's my take on all this, I'm shooting (pun intended) an email over to Bob Owens for his take on this.

UPDATE: Well, that was quick. Bob isn't sure if it is the metal prices, but offers this anecdotal insight:

While I can only provide anecdotal evidence, my customers seem to be
shooting a lot more than they used to, and there seem to be more of them.
Trap and Skeet ranges are opening nearby and doing brisk business, as are
pistol ranges.  These shooters buy ammunition not a box or two at a time,
but cases at a time. Five hundred rounds here, a thousand rounds there,
across the county, across the state, and across the country, combined with
law enforcement's new fad towards quasi-military patrol carbines to augment
their handguns and the appropriate training schedule for both, and it seems
you've got an increase in the domestic market probably driving the shortage,
and not a war.

I'd be interested in seeing a cost breakdown for ammunition manufacture before I ruled out the price of metal. While Bob makes the point that other industrial usage of metals dwarfs the ammunition demand, if metal price is the dominant cost of cartridge production, even a slight rise would have a direct impact.

Ok, Buddy, Hand Over The Tree

The California city of Thousand Oaks was the scene of one of the more unusual heists in recent history. Someone stole a fifty foot tree from the yard of a woman who was on vacation. Police are completely baffled.

THOUSAND OAKS, Calif. - The theft of a 50-foot backyard tree has a Conejo Valley homeowner stumped. Kelley Fornatoro left on vacation Aug. 2 and returned a week later to find her 50-foot California pepper tree missing. Police Capt. Randy Pentis said it was felony grand theft.

"It's creepy. I want them to get these guys," Fornatoro said, adding she feels violated.

Oxnard-based Julian's Tree Care said someone called for removal of the nearly 30-year-old tree. It took two days to cut it down at a cost of $3,500.

If you have no idea what a 'California Pepper Tree' is, it apparently actually is originally from Peru, here's a picture. If you see this tree, please call the Nine Hundred And Ninety-Nine Oaks police department.

More Factional Fighting

There appears to be another falling out between two factions of the Animal Uprising™. Earlier we reported on a shark eating a deer in Hawaii. Now, from Hungary comes another report - this time it's the pythons eating the parrots. (Please pay attention to the dateline of the story - that typo is in the original).

BUDAPEST, Hungry - A python that apparently was smuggled into the Budapest Zoo has killed three rare Kea parrots, officials said Friday.

It was unclear whether a visitor released the tiger python into the Keas' cage or whether someone released the 6-foot, 6-inch snake elsewhere in the zoo and it found the cage by itself, zoo spokesman Zoltan Hanga said.

Hanga said the zoo owned several pythons, but they had implanted microchips and all had been accounted for.

The Kea is a sharp-beaked parrot native to the high country of New Zealand's South Island. It is considered a vulnerable species — an estimated 1,000-5,000 survive in the wild and another 140 in zoos.

The Keas — a female and two males — were very playful birds and came to Budapest from zoos in Austria and Germany. They were each valued at $7,800.

We have no idea if Budapest is hungry, but the python certainly was. Not any more, apparently. Obviously, the python slithered in there with a score to settle with the parrots. Could it be that the unholy alliance of the Animal Uprising™ is starting to fall apart? Or was it just a buda-peckish python being hungry in Hungary?

Finally

After quite a few signs that the Democrats are fracturing over the Iraq war, NRO has a blockbuster. Five-term Congressman Brian Baird, D-Washington, who voted against the war in Iraq, is now saying that an abrupt withdrawal would be the exact wrong thing to do. And his reasons for saying so are very important.

With Congress poised next month to look at U.S. progress in Iraq and a vote looming on U.S. funding for the war, Baird said he's inclined to seek a continued U.S. presence in Iraq beyond what many impatient Americans want. He also expects Gen. David Petraeus, who oversees U.S. troops in Iraq, to seek a redeployment of forces. "People may be upset. I wish I didn't have to say this," Baird said. He added that the United States needs to continue with its military troops surge "at least into early next year, then engage in a gradual redeployment. … I know it's going to cost hundreds of American lives and hundreds of billions of dollars."

It was Baird's fifth trip to the Middle East, and he conceded that what he has learned has put him again in an unpopular position with some voters. He no longer thinks partitioning Iraq into Sunni, Shiite and Kurd sections is possible, for instance; no one he spoke to in Israel, Jordan, Palestinian cities or Iraq liked the idea, he added.

Baird said he would not say this if he didn't believe two things:

• "One, I think we're making real progress."

• "Secondly, I think the consequences of pulling back precipitously would be potentially catastrophic for the Iraqi people themselves, to whom we have a tremendous responsibility … and in the long run chaotic for the region as a whole and for our own security."

I have to say that I am impressed with Baird's honesty here. He saw real progress and is not trying to avoid that reality. And it is long past time for Democrats to begin talking about the disaster that would follow an abrupt withdrawal. Remember: Baird opposed the war from the start. This is a very important development.

Today’s Catch Of The Day: Scuba Diver

A 13-year old Dutch boy has one heck of a fish story to tell. While fishing in the North Sea near the town of Zierikzee, the young angler cast his line and hooked a big one! Hooked him right in the lip, too. The trophy-grade catch of the day: Scuba diver Wim van Huffelen who had been minding his own business taking a swim in the North Sea.

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - A Dutch scuba diver became the surprise catch of the day for a 13-year-old boy fishing in the Netherlands when his hook got caught in the man's lip.

Unfortunately for Huffelen, the lad also happened to be an expert with a fish scaler and a fillet knife. OK, you got us. We made that up. We're still trying out for that wire service job.

"I heard a sound on my head and immediately I felt a jerk on my lip," Wim van Huffelen, who had been swimming in the North Sea, was quoted as saying by Dutch newspaper De Telegraaf.

The 13-year old is obviously a responsible angler who practices catch and release. A doctor was able to remove the hook from the man's lip. The Reuters article said that the Dutch newspaper ran a picture of the diver, hook and all, but we were not able to find it. All we could come up with is this article that has a picture of a fishhook. (Did you know that Dutch newspapers use some kind of special code that makes them really hard to read? You learn something new every day.)

Dodo DNA?

Scientists are rather excited about the very strong possibility of being able to extract some DNA from a recently discovered dodo skeleton named Fred.

A newly discovered dodo skeleton has raised hopes for extracting some of the legendary extinct bird’s DNA.

The dodo, a flightless bird related to pigeons and doves, once thrived on the small island of Mauritius, located off the coast of Africa to the east of Madagascar.

Dodos, Raphus cucullatus, stood about three feet tall and laid their eggs on the ground, which made them easy targets for predators such as rats and pigs introduced to the island by European explorers. Humans also destroyed the dodos' habitat. The dodo became extinct in the late 1600s, just 80 years after the arrival of explorers.

Late last year, biologists looking for cave cockroaches accidentally discovered a dodo skeleton in the highlands of Mauritius.

Nicknamed "Fred" after one of its discoverers, the skeleton's bones were badly decomposed and fragile, but there is still a good chance of extracting some dodo DNA because of the stable temperature and dry to slightly humid environment (keys to DNA preservation) of the cave.

We aren't sure why they are so excited about Fred. They could have come over to see Lucy and Ricky anytime.

Did The Earth Move?

No, but the house burned down. A teenage couple (both 18) in Germany, engaging in their first sexual encounter together, had to flee her parents' house, naked, when romantic candles lit a romantic little house fire. The house was heavily damaged. Romantically.

BERLIN (Reuters) - A teenage couple having sex for the first time were interrupted when candles set fire to the girl's attic bedroom and forced them to flee naked from her parents' house, German daily Bild reported on Friday.

The girl had wanted to create a romantic atmosphere for the occasion. But when the room suddenly became engulfed with flames, they had to make a hasty escape.

Maybe its a sign.

Preemptive Strike

Norway was the scene of a preemptive attack by the Moose legion of the Animal Uprising™ on Tuesday, the Aftenposten reports. In fact, they used those exact words.

A month before moose-hunting season kicks in, one of the so-called "kings of the forest" launched a coincidental pre-emptive attack, hitting man where it hurts the most and disrupting his tools of communication.

The moose apparently ravaged the outdoor box containing key switching equipment on Tuesday, cutting telecommunications service to thousands of people in the district of Sør-Helgeland.

All telecomminications were disrupted over a wide area. The switching station was quickly placed back in operation. But the paper makes not mention about what the cutting of the phone lines may have entailed. We all know, from watching movies and television, that when the phone lines get cut, something really bad happens. Like maybe infiltrating somewhere while the alarms are taken out? We suspect it may have something to do with this news out of Norway:

Norwegian princess's 'angel school' opens

OSLO (AFP) - A school newly created by Norway's Princess Maertha Louise for students who wish to "get in contact with (their) angels" was due to open on Thursday at an undisclosed location because of the clamour it has caused.

The project has been criticised in the Scandinavian country where some have called for the 35-year-old princess, a devotee of alternative therapies, to renounce her official title or even get medical help.

Maertha Louise, who claims she is clairvoyant, says the Astarte school will offer students the chance to get in contact with their angels, described as "forces that surround us and who are a resource and help in all the aspects of our lives."

The tuition fees amount to 12,000 kroner per semester (approximately 1,500 euros, 2,100 dollars) and the programme, which involves alternative therapies such as hands-on treatment and healing, lasts for three years.

If the undisclosed location of the "Angel School" happens to be in the Sør-Helgeland region, the princess might find herself getting in touch with a devil - one with antlers.

Trouble In Paradise

This could be the first indication that there is some falling out between various factions of the Animal Uprising™. A shark attacked a deer just off Keawekapu Beach on Maui in the Hawaiian Islands yesterday.

Maui Ocean Safety workers closed the beach at 1:45 p.m. after a beachgoer reported seeing a 10-foot shark feeding on a deer carcass.

Workers removed the carcass and closed a 1-mile stretch of the beach as a standard response to the sighting.

What's troubling here is that the sharks and the deer normally don't get together very often. The two species live in different elements, after all. What concerns us here at Blue Crab Boulevard is that Saturday Night Live may have actually been prophetic. Just in case, do not open the door if someone claims to be delivering a candygram.

What's troubling here is that the sharks and the deer normally don't get together very often. The two species live in different elements, after all. What concerns us here at Blue Crab Boulevard is that Saturday Night Live may have actually been prophetic. Just in case, do not open the door if someone claims to be delivering a candygram.

Fed Cuts Interest Rate, London Stocks Rally

The Federal Reserve made an abrupt half-percentage point cut in the discount rate.

WASHINGTON - The Federal Reserve, declaring that increased economic uncertainty poses risks for U.S. business growth, announced Friday that it has approved a half-percentage point cut in its discount rate on loans to banks.

The action was the most dramatic effort yet by the central bank to restore calm to global financial markets which have been roiled in the past week by a widening credit crisis.

The decision means that the discount rate, the interest rate that the Fed charges to make direct loans to banks will be lowered to 5.75 percent, down from 6.25 percent.

The Fed did not change its target for the more important federal funds rate, which has remained at 5.25 percent for more than a year.

However, it has been infusing billions of dollars in money into the banking system over the past week to keep that rate from rising above the target level.

In premarket trading, U.S. stock futures reversed previous declines after the Fed's announcement.

Reaction in the London stock market was immediate - and very positive:

London's leading blue-chip shares jumped sharply at lunchtime after the US Federal Reserve cut interest rates to ease the credit crunch. The FTSE 100 index rebounded more than 200 points.

The Fed said that the downside risks to growth of deteriorating financial conditions had increased appreciably and that it was prepared to act as needed to mitigate any adverse effects on the economy.

At just after 1.30pm, the FTSE was up 225.6 points at 6,084.5, and the futures markets reversed earlier pessimism and pointed to a higher opening for Wall Street.

That's a good thing.

UPDATE: The Fed's press release.

National Health Death Service Strikes Again

Britain's National Health Service is praised mightily by Michael Moore and his sycophants as a role model for socialized medicine. They want the US to be more like Britain and Cuba and give out free health care. Free care of this level one presumes:

A mother delivered her premature baby with only the help of her mother because there were no midwives at a top new hospital.

Catherine Brown was forced to give birth over a lavatory helped only by her mother Sheila Keeling when she was told none of the staff at Queen's Hospital in Romford on duty was trained in midwifery.

The 29-year-old single mother said Edward Paul Brown was born at just 22 weeks but died in her arms minutes after the traumatic birth.

She said: "I sat there on the toilet looking at my dead baby. It was dreadful - a terrible nightmare. I still can't believe the hospital had no trained staff who could help me with my poor baby. I had to go through sheer hell."

Ms Brown, from Hornchurch, Essex, said it took more than an hour for staff at the £238 million hospital to locate her and provide gas and air to help relieve her pain.

She said: "It was devastating. During the day I knew he was still alive. When I delivered him I howled and howled. It was really strange - it was just pure distress.

"I remember sitting there looking at him and thinking 'what do I do next? What?'

"And then I started crying my eyes out and repeating 'I'm sorry baby, I'm so sorry'."

As if this was not bad enough, the hospital then threw the body of Ms Brown's baby out with the medical waste.

Still think socialized medicine is the way to go? Really?

Comeback Kid

Sometimes life imitates the movies - only better. Charles Krauthammer has a beautifully written, non-political column today about a real life version of the Robert Redford film The Natural. It's an enjoyable read and a nice change of pace. I particularly like the way he closes the piece:

Ronald Reagan, I was once told, said he liked "The Natural" except that he didn't understand why the Dark Lady shoots Roy Hobbs. Reagan, the preternatural optimist, may have had difficulty fathoming tragedy, but no one knows why Hobbs is shot. It is fate, destiny, nemesis. Perhaps the dawning of knowledge, the coming of sin. Or more prosaically, the catastrophe that awaits everyone from a single false move, wrong turn, fatal encounter. Every life has such a moment. What distinguishes us is whether — and how — we ever come back.

Go over and enjoy a good story.

History Lesson

Russ Smith gives people a history lesson. It is an attempt - probably futile - to put some perspective on the most strident anti-Bush rhetoric fuming from editorials in places like the New York Times. Smith points out that today's educational system in this country is not teaching some of the important history of wartime presidents that would give a much needed sense of perspective on today's most egregious screeching.

The latest round of hyperbolic arguments offered by anti-administration partisans concerns the acquiescence of Congress to put off for six months any revisions to Mr. Bush's allowance of wiretapping of telephone calls that are suspected to contain discussion of possible terrorism.

Newsweek's Jonathan Alter, writing in that magazine's current issue, claims that Mr. Bush has "betrayed his oath to defend the Constitution," and what's worse, from his point of view, is that Democrats were too politically frightened to oppose him……

……What's particularly galling about the inflamed rhetoric of Mr. Bush's detractors — doing exactly what they accuse him of — is that there's no historical context to the opinions. Public and private education has devolved to such a point that it's not surprising few people are familiar with President Wilson's actions during World War I, but it's disgraceful that supposedly learned journalists, professors, and politicians are either ignorant of his policies or conveniently choose to ignore them.

Wilson, a Democrat, was successful in asking Congress to pass the Sedition Act of 1918, a piece of legislation that made it illegal to say, write, or print anything that was deemed "disloyal, profane, scurrilous or abusive" about the government's involvement in the war.

Approximately 2,000 people were convicted of this new crime, most notably socialist Eugene Debs, who was sentenced to 10 years imprisonment and later granted clemency by Wilson in 1921. If a president of Wilson's beliefs were in power today, one wonders about the fate of Steven Levitt, who, in the New York Times blog "Freakonomics" of August 8, asks the question, "If You Were a Terrorist, How Would You Attack?"

There is also the example of Franklin Delano Roosevelt and the internment of 120,000 Japanese-Americans - most of them American citizens - during the Second World War. The loudest screeching from the left about being silenced and the trampling of the constitution is generally done on nationwide television or in national print media. Yet not one screecher has been jailed or silenced. Funny, isn't it. It's a good idea to try to keep some perspective in these things. Too bad most of this is not taught anymore.