This Isn’t Funny

We here at Blue Crab Boulevard were a bit disappointed when our reporting on the last depravity of the Animal Uprising™ did not get the expected reaction from humans. We pointed out that the group mind of the squirrels had fixed their sights on chocolate. We expected and immediate counter-uprising against the squirrels for that one. Only it did not happen. People thought it was "cute." That, sadly, has emboldened the animals. They are still after the chocolate, but now they are also after another human treat:

They're coming for your ice cream.

Like all air raids, it required meticulous planning, precision flying and a great deal of confidence.

First the herring gull selected its vantage point near to the seafront kiosks selling ices and fast food.

Patiently it waited on a wall for the right victim to stroll along.

At last, a tourist arrived, ice-cream cone held at the perfect angle, blissfully unaware that the food snatcher of St Ives was about to strike.

It was all over in less than a second.

Down swooped the gull and suddenly the horrified tourist found her vision obscured by a large bundle of white feathers.

It pecked up a sizeable portion of her ice cream, pushed its feet against her shoulder for better lift-off and soared away, instantly swallowing its precious booty.

Yes, folks. The Animal Uprising™ is real. And they are after more than world domination. They are after your snack food. Soon you will be forced to subsist on Brussels Sprouts.