The Clowns Of August

Britain is suffering another clown infestation.

This is the Camp For Climate Action, due to culminate this weekend in 24 hours of mass direct action. As a virgin activist, I am not pleased that I have been unable to wash for days.

But I have signed up for two days of training with the Rebel Clown Army, which has had a presence at some of the most intense protests in Europe: Gleneagles in 2005, G8 in Germany among them.

The clowns may look ridiculous – and they vow they are non-violent – but their mission is serious: to provide diversions to more vigorous protests and highlight what they see as the nonsense of non-thinking actions likely to damage the environment.

While those around us started the day with serious meetings on subjects such as "Fight The Power, Know The Law", we began by squeezing and relaxing our facial muscles and roaring to "free our inner voice".

As other folk discussed "Permaculture In Practice", we played "hug-tag". Later, we were asked to run around, point to things and give them any name we chose – except the right one. Grass, for example, could become petrol and tent, pelican.

Best of all:

Even the staunchest environmental protesters – some of whom come from the most far-flung fringes of society – regard the clowns with suspicion, as slightly untrustworthy anarchists. But then, almost everybody else was so earnest.

There was a smattering of middle-aged, grey-haired folk, but many were cliches of "Swampy" – thin, vegan and humourless.

The camp was heaving with middle-class eco-warriors with their expensive brand-name tents, backpacks and costly boots, which looked to have been freshly purchased. ……..

……..But at night, as fires burned in empty kerosene barrels, the scene was reminiscent of the doom-laden movie The Fisher King.

The food was vegan and absolutely awful. And, despite an uplifting evening learning to tango with a dedicated group of ballroom dancers, I was ready to slit my wrists by Thursday morning.

But if you're tired of awful humorless, swampy people and hideous vegan food, you can always go after the Jews:

The move came after 20 anarchists from the camp broke into a warehouse in Hayes, owned by Carmel Agrexco, an Israeli fruit and vegetable importer. Up to six were arrested on suspicion of burglary, police said.

Amos Orr, general manager of Agrexco UK, said: "They broke in. A lot of them were drunk, they broke doors, spread papers everywhere and they were very aggressive. They were singing about Hamas."

A spokesman for the protesters said of Sunday's planned activities: "Some might be the same as Agrexco – some won't. From midday there will be stuff going on for 24 hours around the wider Heathrow area. We are still seeing people arriving. There are about 1,200 here now."

Some get a few thousand cans of ClownOff® over there at once.

UPDATE: It was even more anti-Semitic than initial reports indicated. Gateway Pundit has the environmental stormtroopers – and I am using that term advisedly – in all their pathetic ingloriousness. Time for a bit of repellent – for the truly repellent.