Raccoons die, apparently. Two people in Salem, Massachusetts face charges of littering and malicious destruction of property after they allegedly threw the head and entrails of a raccoon on the doorsteps of two businesses. In a sort of Wiccan feud that doesn't appear to be all that magical.
Sharon Graham, 46, and a fellow Wiccan, Frederick Purtz, 22, pleaded not guilty Wednesday to charges of littering and malicious destruction of property. Graham also was charged with intimidating a witness.
They were accused of putting a racoon head and entrails on the doorsteps of Angelica of the Angels and the Goddess' Treasure Chest in May.
The historic seaport, famous for holding witch trials in the 17th century, has an active Wiccan community and thriving witch-related tourism.
Lawyers for Graham and Purtz said the charges were "sensationalized" and argued that the malicious destruction charge wasn't valid because the storefronts weren't permanently damaged.
A witness, Richard Watson, told police he accompanied Graham, Purtz and other people when they put the raccoon remains on the doorsteps. He said Graham hoped to frame a Wiccan businessman who had fired Graham from a psychic telephone business last spring.
Which of course requires us to ask the question: why didn't everybody involved see all this coming? But we digress. Another point of irritation between the folks involved was the support of the two business owners for stricter regulations governing the number of psychics that could operate at Halloween.
This is all nonsense, of course. If you're going to curse someone you don't use raccoon guts. You use goat parts. And if you're really serious, the coconuts come out.
This is pretty unimaginative. Had it been me, I would have rented a hot air balloon shaped like a giant panda bear, floated above the enemy’s building and then strained a barrel of chum through fine chicken wire onto them while singing the Latvian national anthem.
But then, I’m a pretty conventional kind of guy.