Four-Wheel Independent Snake-spension
This will really help raise awareness about the Animal Uprising™. After all, Americans love their cars. But that could change. Because the reptile legions of the Animal Uprising™ have a new trick. They are disguising snakes as coil springs and putting them under people's cars!
DELAND — Take it from an animal control officer, still stinging on Monday from two bites from a 5-foot boa constrictor he helped remove from under a woman's car:
"Anybody who says they got bit by a snake and it didn't hurt is a liar," DeLand police Animal Control Officer Gary Thomas said in an interview.
Police were called to the parking lot behind the Daytona Pennysaver building on Woodland Boulevard about 10 a.m. Friday to remove the snake, which had entangled itself around the car's coil springs in the wheel well.
"Originally I was called about a diamondback rattler, so I called for police backup," Thomas said. "(Sworn officers) carry guns and Tasers. All I carry is a red leash."
The car's owner told Thomas she wouldn't get in the car until officers showed her the whole snake.
Though snakebites are unusual, two were reported in July in Osteen and Flagler County. Nearly all calls about snakes are the same — 5 feet long and brown with a diamond pattern — said Sgt. Chris Estes, a snake enthusiast who worked for the Central Florida Zoo years ago.
That isn't even the best part of the story, incidentally. The official report describing what happened when one of the two police officers dropped his end of the snake is the funny part:
According to Thomas' written report of the incident, "Officer Petrella proceeded to perform a dramatic ballet dance on his tiptoes as he demanded that Estes secure the front of the snake's body."
Now the next time you change a tire, you're going to be nervous, aren't you? That hissing may not be air leaking. Personally, we here at the Crabitat are looking into getting a flamethrower, just in case.
That isn't even the best part of the story, incidentally. The official report describing what happened when one of the two police officers dropped his end of the snake is the funny part:
According to Thomas' written report of the incident, "Officer Petrella proceeded to perform a dramatic ballet dance on his tiptoes as he demanded that Estes secure the front of the snake's body."
Now the next time you change a tire, you're going to be nervous, aren't you? That hissing may not be air leaking. Personally, we here at the Crabitat are looking into getting a flamethrower, just in case.
By mockinbird, Tuesday, 11 September , 2007 @ 7:26 pm
Hell, the snake was only five feet long. What was officer Petrella’s problem?