Another Open Letter From Robert Mugabe

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Hey, getting the real truth out from Zimbabwe is kind of fun! I've gotten many fan letters on my skills at communication from fellow leftists, so I thought I'd follow up on yesterday's letter. I reported then about some of the distortions the world media has been making. I also pointed to a really hot growth industry over here: mortuaries. That's right, smart foreign investors have a chance to (excuse the expression) make a killing in the funeral business here in Zimbabwe. But one thing that has been bothering me is the food situation here. Look, I know things are tough right now, but they are getting better every day. In fact, I am proud to report that we now have a big surplus in pet food! Even the foreign media is impressed:

HARARE, Zimbabwe – Pets are being slaughtered for meat in shortage-stricken Zimbabwe and record numbers of animals have been surrendered to shelters or abandoned by owners no longer able to feed them, animal welfare activists say.

The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals said it could not feed surrendered animals or find them new homes and was being forced to kill them and destroy the corpses.

Animals, like people, are being hard hit by Zimbabwe's economic meltdown, with official inflation of more than 7,600 percent, the highest in the world. Independent estimates put real inflation closer to 25,000 percent and the International Monetary Fund has forecast it will reach 100,000 percent by the end of the year.

Vets have run out of the drug used to put down the animals and are relying on intermittent donations from neighboring South Africa. One veterinary practice was waiting for supplies to destroy about 20 animals, and on Friday could neither feed them adequately nor fatally inject them.

In its latest bulletin to donors and supporters, the SPCA said it launched an awareness campaign on "the ethical and moral issues regarding the killing and consumption of trusted companion animals."

I'm proud to report that my government has beaten the SPCA to the punch here and have produced our own guide to the killing and consumption of pet food. Personally, I am very fond of the kung pao cat, myself, but a tasty hot dog is good too. All the best recipes are in the guide! So there you have it. Another bright spot for the Zimbabwean people!

Well, I have to MoveOn, I'll send another bolt of truth when I can. This is kind of addicting.

Fondly (in a dictatorial sense),

Robert Mugabe

UPDATE: CNN Here, link may be less likely to expire. Others: Gina Cobb, Thunder Pig, A Blog For All, The Astute Bloggers,

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5 Responses to Another Open Letter From Robert Mugabe

  1. Mwalimu Daudi says:

    My dear child,

    Greeting to you and your Glorious Revolution! May Zimbabwe remain forever free of capitalist imperialists.

    I am saving a special place for you when you eventually come to your final reward. Here you shall rub elbows with your brothers in arms such as V.I. Lenin, Pol Pot, Chairman Mao, and Saddam Hussein. Together we can work to build a Glorious Socialist Paradise for when our comrades F. Castro, H. Chavez, and Kim Jong Il come home.

    Yours in the Glorious Revolution,

    Josef Stalin
    666 Sulphur Lane

  2. zimboy says:

    Zimbabwe has been destroyed by Mugabe, but I doubt that he really knows what is going on… his wife is the real villain.

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