A Heaping Helping Of Moose Milk
Well, the Russians have come up with a new cottage industry: moose milking. No, really, they have.
FARMERS have taken to milking the humble moose after centuries of trying to domesticate the horned quadruped – and the key is to smell like one of the beasts.
Milking the moose, while sounding like a euphemism, is actually become a small industry in Russia, where it is being drunk in sanatoriums, according to the BBC.
And it takes more than to just think like a moose, with farmers covering themselves with a scent that smells like a calf in order to attract the females.
While it is being milked by hand, the moose believes that a calf is sucking from its teats due to the smell of the milker.
Moose milk maids, however, report a sharp decline in date offers. By humans at any rate. So, what do the Russians do with the milk. Why they use it to kill ulcer patients.
Head doctor at the Ivan Susanin Sanatorium Natalya Yuskevich told the BBC that moose milk was very helpful.
“It’s just like cow milk, but (it) has much more fat and more protein,” Dr Yuskevich said.
“We use it to treat gastrointestinal diseases like stomach ulcers.”
(There is an actual video of moose milking here) Since drinking milk is about the worst thing you can do for an ulcer (despite decades of being prescribed by Western physicians, mind you) drinking moose milk has got to be worse. (More fat, more protein, more rebound acid production.) We here at Blue Crab Boulevard sincerely hope that Vladimir Putin, head fish-kisser in Russia, poses for some pictures milking a moose.
We do hope it's a bull, too.
