Bobby’s Corner: More Great News

Hey, everyone! It's me, your favorite socialist icon, Robert Mugabe again. Once again, I'm sending in another letter to counter the Western imperialist media's misinterpretation of events in my little slice of heaven on earth. And the host of my letters here on the interwebby thing has even archived all my greatest hits in one place http://bluecrabboulevard.com/category/bobbys-corner/. What a terrific guy, even if he is a capitalistic pig.

Anyway, we have reached a new milestone here in Zimbabwe. In my last letter, I told you about my plan to make every person in Zimbabwe a millionaire. We, fabulous news: we've achieved that milestone ahead of schedule because of my outstanding leadership!

A diner pulls out a huge wad of bank notes to pay a $3million bill at a Harare restaurant, underlying the economic chaos caused by hyperinflation in Zimbabwe.

With Zimbabwe's international isolation growing, the country's rapidly depreciating dollar means there are acute shortages of food and the most basic goods.

The southern African state has the world's highest official inflation of nearly 7,000 percent. Independent estimates put real inflation closer to 25,000 percent and the International Monetary Fund has forecast it reaching 100,000 percent by the end of the year.

Whoo hoo! We're number one! As I understand it, the meal in question was some fine Chinese food, washed down with some "vintage water" from Bulawayo. (That's the new, enlightened socialist name for it. We will no longer use that Western imperialist word "sewage".) And I've been talking things over with my good friend Hugo and he's given me a great idea. We're going to set the clocks here in Zimbabwe to a different, more egalitarian, time zone, just like Venezuela!

Here's the plan: we're going to reset all the clocks to midnight – and leave them there! That's right, why any of my happy fellow citizens can already tell you that a minute here already seems to last an eternity! Now it actually will! And we won't be letting citizens waste their money on expensive time pieces: they just won't need them.

Well, that's all for now. Kim's on line two trying to sell me some sort of night light. At least that's what I think he meant when he said it glowed in the dark.

Your Pal,

Robert Mugabe

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3 Responses to Bobby’s Corner: More Great News

  1. Rebecca H says:

    Dear Robert,

    Die.

    Sincerely,
    RebeccaH

  2. mockinbird says:

    You’re full of it Bobby! You still got your gold Rolex on.

  3. Pingback: Blue Crab Boulevard » Bobby’s Corner: Luau!

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