Why My Family Needs SCHIP

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Hi, my name's Timmy. My friends the Democrats sent me here to tell you about me and my family and why the Democrats are so good and the Republicans are so evil. You see, my mom and dad work really really hard but they barely make enough to make ends meet. And things are really tough around our house. Dad's always complaining about how expensive everything is. Why, do you realize how much caviar costs these days? (Dad says that a lot lately.) And really, there isn't even enough money for us to have a garage for our cars.

And the house always needs something. The jacuzzi broke just the other day and the espresso machine is on the fritz, too. Dad says it is awfully hard keeping the place up on their income.

And the wading pool always needs work, that's why dad had to hire the two full time pool attendants. Things are tight, we might have to let the upstairs maid go.

And dad always grumbles about how much school is costing for me and my sister. And the commuting costs! Do you know what a round trip flight to Switzerland costs?

The other day I came down with a wicked attack of tennis elbow at the club and had to be rushed to the emergency room. The chauffeur made record time, though and I had the free health insurance my friends the Democrats made sure I got. So you see, that's why dad and mom wanted me to talk to you about how good the Democrats are. And those evil Republicans want to take that insurance away from poor kids like me. Ouch! I just hurt my hand when I slammed it down on this stack of bearer bonds. Mom! Call the chauffeur!

(Apropos this post.)

UPDATE: Had to close comments – a commenter kept posting some sort of bad tag over and over. It was screwing the sytem up and I have already had enough problems here today.

UPDATE: No, don't flatter yourself, I closed it because someone could not figure out how to tag properly and kept causing problems. That simple.

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11 Responses to Why My Family Needs SCHIP

  1. Vanderleun says:

    So fine. So fully packed. So funny.

  2. Pingback: Stop The ACLU

  3. I didn’t realize I needed this laugh. Thank you!

  4. BlueNight says:

    Whenever SCHIP comes up, just make sure to include a mention of the 25-year-old “children” of 60K/year families.

  5. Said like Thurston Howell it’s a howler! Great job, but I think I would have dug the knife a little deeper by substituting “mummy” for “mom” in the second to last line.

    I know, always a critic….

  6. Gaius says:

    Well, that might be interesting if they were actual facts instead of supposition. If you hadn’t noticed the big blogs on the left are staying away from this like it is radioactive. There is a reason for that. Staring with a simple fact: automobile insurance covers injury in automobile accidents. My health isurance – which we pay for – specifically excludes automobile accident-related injury. No exceptions.

  7. Burke says:

    Would those facts include the annual income of $45,000? How about the fact that the private school provides tuition assistance to families making up to $160,000/year? Maybe the facts include the 7.7% rise in employer health insurance premiums last year (that number goes up to 8.8% for small businesses and 10.5% for firms of less than 24 employees – http://www.nchc.org/facts/cost.shtml). For those keeping score, that’s over twice the rate of inflation for last year.
    You bring up a good point about auto insurance helping. There are at least two problems with this supposition though. The first is that not all health insurance denies benefits in the case of auto accidents. Mine does not exclude those costs. So we have no way of knowing if the Frosts would be reliant solely on their auto insurance to cover these costs without SCHIPS. Second, you make no mention of the Maryland liability minimums with regard auto insurance. Most people have only the bare minimum with their insurance (we can agree that this is supposition rather than fact). In the case of a Maryland driver, the liability coverage is 20/40/15. (That’s $20,000 per person for injuries you cause to the other party, up to $40,000 total, and $15,000 for any damage that you cause to the other driver’s car and/or property). Maryland auto insurance laws also require that you purchase uninsured and underinsured motorist coverages, which help cover your expenses should you be in an accident with a driver with inadequate liability coverage. The required minimum on this coverage is also 20/40/15 ($20,000 for injuries per person, up to $40,000 total, and $15,000 for property damage). Finally, Maryland auto insurance laws require that all drivers purchase a minimum of $2,500 in personal injury protection (or PIP). This coverage will help reimburse you for medical expenses and lost wages regardless of who was at fault in an accident.” So continuing the supposition, the Frosts have a minimum of $85,000 from the auto insurance to cover this catastrophe. Without assistance, this would be inadequate to cover their medical expenses.

    So in summary, we have a family making $45,000 who can’t afford health insurance. We have a catastrophic accident. We have public assistance to pay for the uncovered medical bills. And we have conservatives making fun of them. What exactly am I missing?

  8. Gaius says:

    The rules for financing commercial property are not the same as the rules for an owner occupied dwelling. Perhaps you might want to take a look at that. There’s a downpayment difference. A big one.

    And for the record, the ones I feel sorry for in all this happen to be the family. They were used by the Dems and thrown out to the public. That includes the queries about them, the search of public records and the whole ruckus that the Dems brought on them.

    The facts are that most people who have been working long and hard in good professions do not have the kinds of assets these folks do. If there was a means test, both you and I know they would have failed. My mother was not allowed to own more than a few thousnad dollars in assets to qualify for assistence in New York State. (And yes, she had some private insurance – not much – from a job she had worked for years.)

    My kids go to public schools and we pay for our insurance. And we do not have the assets these folks have. This debate you wanted is over.

  9. Andy Vance says:

    If there was a means test, both you and I know they would have failed.

    Huh? There was a means test and they passed. Are you implying that they lied to get assistance?

    My kids go to public schools and we pay for our insurance.

    Ok, now that you’ve thrown out this assertion into the public I guess I’m free to ask, How much do you make and how much do you pay?

  10. Gaius says:

    Maryland does not have a means test for SCHIP – and no, you do not get that “right” to ask that question. And the next comment from the left with bad tags (yours is not the comment, BTW) and I close this comment thread. Someone is trying to post something that is really screwing with the comment system.

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