BROOKLINE – On a recent afternoon, Kettly Jean-Felix parked her car on Beacon Street in Brookline, fed the parking meter, wheeled around to go to the optician and came face to face with a wild turkey.
The turkey eyed Jean-Felix. Jean-Felix eyed the turkey. It gobbled. She gasped. Then the turkey proceeded to follow the Dorchester woman over the Green Line train tracks, across the street, through traffic, and all the way down the block, pecking at her backside as she went.
"This is so scary," Jean-Felix said, finally taking refuge inside Cambridge Eye Doctors in Brookline's bustling Washington Square. "I cannot explain it."
Notify the neighbors: The turkeys are spreading through suburbia. Wild turkeys, once eliminated in Massachusetts, are flourishing from Plymouth to Concord and – to the surprise of some wildlife officials – making forays into densely populated suburban and urban areas, including parts of Boston, Cambridge and, most recently, Brookline.
Turkey stalkers are making suburban life into a living hell. The authorities are, as usual, useless. Their advice: stay away from the turkeys. This is, of course, impossible when the turkeys charge, demanding food, money or a date. (Turkeys are extremely rude that way.) The biggest problem is going to be mistaken identity. If the police do finally intervene and respond to a turkey call, they might mistakenly grab and incarcerate a politician.
Wait. That's not a bad thing.