A Visit From Team Hillary
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, (‘cept maybe a louse);
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The voters were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
Little did I know that Santa had been hijacked
And someone else would soon interact.
When out on the lawn there rose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see if I’d hidden the ladder,
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon, on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
Gave a lustre of mid-day to objects below;
When, what should I recognize ,
But a miniature sleigh, drawn by eight tiny guys,
With a woman driver, firing words like artillery,
I knew in a moment it must be that Hillary.
More rapid than eagles her coursers they came,
And she whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, Bubba! now, Mark Penn! now, Berger (no fries)
On! Character assassins and the rest of you guys—
To the top of the porch, to the top of the wall!
Now, hack away, hack away, hack away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So, up to the house-top the henchmen they flew,
With a sleigh full of smears—and that Hillary too.
And then in a twinkling I heard on the roof,
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney those folks came with a bound.
Hillary was dressed in both diamonds and pearls.
As she pretended to be one of the girls
But her visage was tarnished with traces of soot
From backfired attacks that had landed on her foot
A fresh bundle of smears she had flung on Bubba’s back
While Penn muttered “cocaine” and acted the flack
Sandy Berger was hunting for things to put in his sock
While Bubba kept looking up the tree angel’s frock
Hillary’s face was fixed in a snarl,
while she muttered quite fiercely, “I’m meaner than Karl.”
Her assassins began planting rumors ‘neath the tree
While her hard, cold gaze fixated on me
“I’m bringing new taxes, your money to spend.
And you’ll vote for me, on that you can depend
‘Cause if you don’t, I know where you live.
And I’ll come back and make sure extra you give
We’re taking your stockings, Sandy needs more socks
Welcome to Hillary’s school of hard knocks.
The tree it was now coated with slime
And Hillary shouted, c’mon boys, its time!
We’re off to Obama’s to leave him some coal
He’ll learn bucking me sure takes a toll.
With that her henchmen and her disappeared up the flue
Leaving me bankrupt and covered in goo.
As the sleigh disappeared I heard Hillary shout,
“Happy holidays, vote for me.”
“Or else.”
Merry Christmas.
UPDATE: Erick at Redstate has fixed Hillary's original ad and provided a little context:
Other Links to this Post
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Twas the night before Hillary…. | BitsBlog — December 20, 2007 @ 7:23 pm
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bRight & Early » Blog Archive » This is Interesting — December 20, 2007 @ 7:35 pm
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PoliGazette » A Christmas Poem — December 21, 2007 @ 2:11 am
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Blue Crab Boulevard » Kinder, Gentler Character Assassination — December 21, 2007 @ 9:40 am
By Maggie, December 20, 2007 @ 4:54 pm
Gaius -
Does that miniature sleigh stop in Ft. Marcy Park, by chance?? (Heh!)
Nicely done.
Merry Christmas!
By NortonPete, December 20, 2007 @ 5:11 pm
And I thought there was a writers strike on.
Great entertainment and satire, send it out to Leno or Conan, they
need the talent.
By Quilly Mammoth, December 20, 2007 @ 8:26 pm
Some minion has probably put you on a list for this, Gaius.
“I’ll get you my pretty!”
By Gaius, December 20, 2007 @ 8:36 pm
My wife has promised she’ll visit me. I’m good.