Mark Steyn looks at the Christmas ads that the presidential candidates have suddenly begun putting out. He pronounces the trend, led by Mike Huckabee, a revolt against the liberal's offensively inoffensive pseudo-religion. He also has an enormous amount of fun with the various ads.
In Sen. Clinton's Christmas message, Hillary is bundling up presents for all of us. They're beautifully wrapped, but oddly, instead of putting the name of the intended recipient on the gift tag, she's written out what's in them: "Universal Health Care," "Alternative Energy," "Middle-Class Tax Cuts." Strange. "Where did I put 'Universal Pre-K'?" she says. "Ah, there it is." If you thought Christmas at the mall was too materialistic, this is bonanza time. Message: It Takes A Santa's Village Staffed By Unionized Government Elves To Raise A Child, and I'm Santa and you're gonna need a much bigger chimney for all the federal entitlements I'll be tossing down there. Your stocking's gonna be packed tighter than Monica in fishnets.
And yet it's a strangely cheerless message. Less Santa than Frosty the Snowqueen.
John McCain's message is about the Christmas he spent being tortured. By having Hillary's Christmas message played to him over and over? No, silly. This was back in Vietnam.
John Edwards' message is the usual Dickensian affair about the two Americas. I forget the details, but the upshot is that one America is a land of spindly emaciated Tiny Tims with barely three farthings to rub together for their next cup of gruel, while the other's a marshmallow world where Dick Cheney, high on wassail, shoots a brace of turducken out of season, and then chows down as the Radio City Rockettes pop up out of his figgy pudding and come kicking across the dining table, singing "Santa Baby." You'd have to have a heart of stone not to be moved by Edwards' poignant vignette of a divided America, tastefully lit with the warm glow of Christmas candles, unless it's the glare from his styling mousse.
He cheerfully savages the lot for the most part. One presumes he put this column to bed before Thompson's ad aired, since that one is not mentioned. His point about the revolt against the pseudo-religion of the First Church of Political Correctness is pretty well spot on (including Clinton's continued adherence to that faithless faith). He gives all the credit for the uprising to Huckabee's ad, which led the parade. So go read it all, it is Steyn, after all. So you know the wordplay alone would make it worth reading.