When Snow Shovels Are Outlawed

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Only outlaws will have snow shovels. Two women in a grocery store parking lot foiled a double purse snatching by grabbing a snow shovel from the would-be robbers own truck and beating the heck out of the criminal masterminds.

MARYLAND HEIGHTS, Mo. – It looks like a couple of suburban St. Louis purse snatchers picked the wrong women to attack. The victims fought back — with a snow shovel.
Police in Maryland Heights released details of the Sunday incident outside a Schnucks grocery store. The women were unloading groceries when the thieves tried to steal two purses from their cart.

One of the women grabbed a shovel from the suspects' pickup and smacked one of the men upside the head. The other woman jumped into the cab and attacked the other suspect, then grabbed the keys so he couldn't drive away.

The AP report should be bronzed or something. I do not recall ever reading the words "upside the head" in a news report from them unless they were quoting someone. The thief required a number of staples in his wounded head to fix the damage the crime-fighting shovelist dealt him. One hopes the police department in Maryland Heights awards the women a golden shovel award for their crime-busting skills.

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6 Responses to When Snow Shovels Are Outlawed

  1. Mwalimu Daudi says:

    This is the tragic result of our right-wing culture of shovel violence. If we registered shovels (including a 30-day “cooling off” period), ban shovels in public places, and required background checks to screen out those prone to shovel violence, this horrifying assault never would have happened.

    Because of a few right-wing shovel nuts, our children are at risk when other children bring shovels to school to assault them. Not to mention the easy availability of shovels everywhere. Why, I can walk into any Wal-Mart and buy a hundred or more shovels without having to show a good reason why! The red-neck shovel mentality can be summed up by the bumper-sticker: THEY CAN HAVE MY SHOVEL WHEN THEY PRY IT FROM MY COLD DEAD FINGERS. Surely this is hate speech at its worst.

    Unfortunately, the powerful shovel lobby – which control Washington along with the Israel lobby, the oil lobby, and the Confederate flag lobby – will keep the overwhelming majority of Americans’ voices from being heard. America will continue to lead the world in shovel violence.

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  3. martian says:

    Mwalimu, I chuckled all the way through your comment (and still am) – excellent humor!

  4. Mockinbird says:

    That article is so biased against males. It’s like the columnist is making the men out to be the bad ones in this situation. She should work on being more balanced. I think counseling is in order.

  5. NortonPete says:

    Mwalimu’s comment is hilarious.
    Wacky bumber-sticker addition:

    “I got a shovel for my wife…..
    …best trade I ever made…..”

    Good fun.

  6. Bob says:

    Hmm . . . have they ever published an article referencing a “cring-fighting shovelist?” (Let’s see . . . shoveler . . . shovelist . . . shovel wielder . . . shovel-bearing defender . . . defender wielding shovel . . . )

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