Leave it to Iowahawk to decipher Joe speak: Obama Ready for Armageddon Showdown He Will Provoke
Democratic Vice Presidential candidate Joe Biden promised a group of supporters Sunday that running mate Barack Obama “will absolutely 100% trigger a nuclear Armageddon kinda thing” within the first 20 minutes of his presidency, but added that “Barack Obama is looking forward to this apocalyptic opportunity to test his mettle, because he totally aced his LSATs.”
Biden also warned the audience that the first days of the Obama administration would bring some inevitable disappointments.
“I’m not going to lie to you – it doesn’t take a weatherman to know that hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, a hard rain is gonna fall, all along the watchtower,” said the Delaware Senator, strumming on a pantomime guitar. “There will be a point — maybe one week, maybe two weeks after the inauguration — when the opinion polls will look bad. Really horribly bad. Despite our best efforts, a couple of mid-size cities will inevitably be vaporized. People will be complaining. ‘Why are you nationalizing the Safeway?’ ‘When is Omaha going to stop glowing?’ ‘Why do the Chinese soldiers keep asking for my papers?’ When this happens, we will need you to keep supporting us because, trust me, you really won’t want to be observed not supporting us.”
“But I promise you, if one of these inevitable nuclear attacks is, God forbid, successful, Barack Obama and I will conduct tough and open negotiations with our new overlords,” said Biden. “Ol’ Joe Biden learned how to negotiate at his dad’s used car lot in Scranton PA, and if these overlords think they can swing some sort of lowball occupation deal, I’ll just tell them ‘I gotta go get my manager,’ and then… boo-yeah! In comes Barack Obama to upsell them undercoating and extra exercise yard privileges for you and me.”
After rubbing tapioca into his armpits and singing what appeared to be the Numa-Numa song, Biden mounted a Segway and crashed through a side door.
A spokesman for the Obama-Biden campaign later clarified the Senator’s remarks, and urged reporters “not to take Senator Biden’s words out of context.”
When asked what context that was, the spokesman explained that “the Senator has massive brain damage.”
I knew it had to be something like that.