When Candy Canes Are Outlawed….

…Only outlaws will have candy canes. A California man fended off – nay, subdued – a knife-wielding attacker with a giant, plastic candy cane Christmas decoration.

A man using a candy cane lawn ornament fended off a knife-wielding neighbor who had been attacking holiday guests at a Sacramento home.

Police spokesman Sgt. Norm Leong says the man used the two-foot-tall plastic ornament to subdue the attacker until officers arrived.

He says the 49-year-old suspect became intoxicated, went over to a neighbor’s home on Thanksgiving and began waving a kitchen knife at people gathered on the lawn.

Representative Henry Waxman, D(emagogue) – California, immediately announced that he would hold hearings into the complicity of oil companies which may have supplied the polymers used in creating the giant candy cane. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi called for “Immediate, strong, common-sense regulation of these potentially lethal decorations.” Andrew Sullivan blamed the incident on Sarah Palin.

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3 Responses to When Candy Canes Are Outlawed….

  1. Paco says:

    They’ll have to pry my candy cane from my cold, dead fingers.

  2. I’m originally from Sacramento, and Candy Cane-fu is an ancient and honored martial art there. Hey, in what other martial art do you get to eat the weapon afterward?

  3. Pingback: Your obligatory Man beats down attacker with plastic candy cane post « The Daley Gator

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