How Green Was My Lipodiesel

The ultimate in green credentials! Have your personal fat sucked out and turned into fuel for your lipo-doctor’s SUV!

If you’re keen to establish your green credentials you can install solar panels or stick a wind turbine on your roof.

Or you could become a patient of Dr Alan Bittner.

The leading Beverly Hills cosmetic surgeon claims to be saving the planet by using fat removed from clients in liposuction operations to power his 4×4 car.

According to Dr Bittner, his patients are more than happy to be involved in the extraordinary eco-friendly scheme.

‘The vast majority of my patients request that I use their fat for fuel – and I have more fat than I can use,’ he declared.

‘Not only do they get to lose their love handles or chubby belly, but they get to take part in saving the Earth.’ U.S. authorities are less impressed and have launched an inquiry into his claims that he is converting the waste fat into bio-diesel – or ‘lipodiesel’ as he calls it.

Dr Bittner posted his claims on a website lipodiesel.com, which has since been taken down following the sudden closure of his clinic on Rodeo Drive.

Oh, please do read the whole thing. The good doctor has taken his uber-green practice to points afar now that a number of dissatisfied customers have filed suit against him. (Not for turning their personal adipose tissue into road fuel, but for disfiguring them. Apparently, someone needed additional fuel.) The government has also taken an interest since it happens to be illegal to turn human byproducts into fuel. (One could get very close to a Godwin’s Law violation here describing the good doctor’s energy schemes.)

We’ll just leave it at this and let our gentle readers decide for themselves the implications of a “green” doctor and his purportedly happy to help patients.

UPDATE: Wired’s Autopia is calling the doctor’s claims of “lipodiesel” a fraud. They also use a bunch of clever puns.

Clue No. 3: We don’t trust any story that’s based on a movie. In the ’90s, Dr. Bittner could’ve been working at the Paper Street Soap Company. In the ’70s, Charlton Heston would’ve burst into Dr. Bittner’s office screaming, “Alternative fuel is people!”

Thigh test fuel!

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4 Responses to How Green Was My Lipodiesel

  1. sestamibi says:

    Reminds me of Brad Pitt’s character Tyler Durden in the 1999 “Fight Club”. He was a banquet waiter at night, but his day job involved stealing liposuction products to make a fancy upscale boutique soap.

  2. K says:

    Soylent Green, here we come.

  3. Gaius says:

    THat would be Thighlent Green.

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