More Vital Governmental Interests

Hot on the heels of the "Great Salt Debate" and the "Kiwi Conundrum" comes the "Swedish Snub"!

An eight-year-old boy has sparked an unlikely outcry in Sweden after failing to invite two of his classmates to his birthday party.

The boy's school says he has violated the children's rights and has complained to the Swedish Parliament.

The school, in Lund, southern Sweden, argues that if invitations are handed out on school premises then it must ensure there is no discrimination.

The boy's father has lodged a complaint with the parliamentary ombudsman.

He says the two children were left out because one did not invite his son to his own party and he had fallen out with the other one.

Meanwhile in Belgium, there are rumors that a man may have had a completely unauthorized bowel movement.

Interpol has been notified.

Head ‘Em Off At The Pass……

….In your wheelchair. A 71-year old man and his wheelchair riding friend chased down a would-be robber, wrestled her to the ground and held her for police.

Harry Kopenis, said he went to an ATM at a bank near his Kingston home Monday morning and withdrew $100 when a woman came out of nowhere, knocked him down and stole the money. The woman fled.

His neighbor, Kevin Lamb, was nearby in his electric wheelchair and both men chased her. Lamb said Kopenis got the woman in a headlock and grabbed the squirming woman.

Longtime readers know that I get a real kick out of stories like this. It's a good thing when the young thieves find out the hard way that older - or wheelchair-bound - does not mean helpless. The would-be thief is in jail held on a high bail and likely faces some serious jail time. Kudos to the crime fighters.

All Units Respond!

If you want to see the police make an all-out effort to catch someone, just have that person steal a doughnut truck. Trust me, the police will pull out all the stops.

The van, owned by Donut Delite of Moline, Ill., was stolen early Thursday while the driver was making deliveries at a hospital in nearby Rock Island. The driver had left the van running, and a man jumped in and headed for Iowa, just over the Mississippi River.

A Benton County, Iowa, sheriff's deputy spotted the van later in the morning, and eight other officers eventually joined the chase. Authorities finally cornered it in neighboring Tama County.

Frank Alvarado, 46, of Moline, Ill., was charged with theft and other counts and was held on $15,000 bond.

The apprehension of the thief (who we suspect had a glazed look when he saw all the police) was lucrative for the cops. The doughnut shop gave them the van load of doughnuts for catching the doughnut-jacker.

“I won’t Be In Today….

…I had a friend shoot me." A Washington man had a friend shoot him in the shoulder so he could take some time off from work.

Sheriff's detectives in Franklin County, Wash., say a man had his friend shoot him in the shoulder so he wouldn't have to go to work.

When he first spoke with deputies, Daniel Kuch (KOOCH) told them he'd been the victim of a drive-by shooting while he was jogging Thursday. But detectives told KONA radio that Kuch later acknowledged that he asked his friend to shoot him so he could get some time off work and avoid a drug test.

The friend has been arrested for investigation of reckless endangerment. Kuch is expected to be charged with false reporting.

We have never tried that particular ruse to take a day off. Nor had it ever - remotely - crossed our minds to do so. We prefer the more rational excuses, like: "I was hit by a falling St. Bernard ." Or the ever popular, "There are snakes coming out of the toilet." 

Fights Crime - And Leaves A Clean, Fresh Scent!

Want to freshen up the air and drive away unpleasant people at the same time? Use a can of Oust on the criminal elements! That's precisely what Margaret Taylor, a British postmistress did.

Air freshener is good at getting rid of unpleasant smells but a postmistress managed to clear the room of gun-wielding robbers when she grabbed a can of Oust and sprayed the raiders in the face.

Postal worker Margaret Taylor fought off two men who burst into her post office waving a gun and a knife.

The 42-year-old picked up a bottle of Oust - which claims to do "more than just eliminate odours" - and sprayed the raiders in the face.

The fumes proved too much for the balaclava-wearing robbers and they ran out and jumped into a car.

The incident, in Hyde, Greater Manchester, was captured on CCTV and one of the robbers, described by witnesses as "past his prime", was heard shouting "Wait for me, Pete".

Manager Martin Cronshaw, 54, said his wife Sue had had a gun held to her head in a previous attack and another time he was attacked with a samurai sword which sliced through his hand.

Doctors fought for five hours to save his thumb, but despite this, Mr and Mrs Cronshaw are determined not to be beaten.

Mr Cronshaw said: "We have been held up five times in eight years and although this was not as bad as on previous occasions when the robbers were more determined, we had to feel sorry for the people in the shop.

"But this is our business and sadly this kind of thing is the way of the world now." 

Who knew crimefighting could smell so nice? There is a substantial reward being offered for the arrest of the clean, fresh-scented criminals. The police should be able to sniff them out. 

Grand Theft Taco?

This is a first, I think. A man was robbed of his bag of tacos - at gunpoint.

FONTANA, Calif. - A hunger for carnitas nearly led to some carnage after a Fontana man was robbed of a bag of tacos at gunpoint. Police Sergeant Jeff Decker said the 35-year-old victim had just bought about $20 in tacos from a street-corner stand Sunday night and was bicycling home when the suspect confronted him and said "Give me your tacos."

The robber then took the bag, punched the man in the face and pointed a handgun at the man threatening to kill him. One shudders to think what he would have done for burritos. The criminal mastermind managed to turn a relatively low-level crime into a felony in one step. What a genius.

Blind Drive

You've all seen the road signs that read"Blind Drive." Now, I've often thought that those signs were particularly true in some areas where I have lived, because it sure seems that way when you see some of the antics pulled out on the highways. But in Italy, the blind literally do drive. Or at least one man who claimed to be blind for 40 years in order to claim pension benefits.

ROME (AFP) - A 70 year-old Italian man who had been pretending to be blind for 40 years to get an invalid's pension was arrested as he drove his car, Sky TG24 television said Thursday.

The "particularly nervous" man was stopped during a routine road check in the northern city of Spezia and could not provide a driving licence, city police chief Massimo Giaramita said.

"Then we checked his medical record and were amazed to find that he was registered as 100 percent blind," Giaramita said.

What a dunce. All he had to do was bring a dog with him and say the pooch was his seeing eye driving dog. 

Back Off Or I’ll Change Your Channel

An Australian man has been sentenced to a year's probation for threatening to blow up Brisbane. With a television remote control.

CANBERRA (Reuters) - A drunken man's threat to blow up half a city with his television remote control forced Australian police to declare a state of emergency at a luxury golf resort, a local court heard on Thursday.

Geoffrey Martin Fryatt, 57, a resident of the Fairways Golf and Lifestyle Retreat in Brisbane, was arrested by elite paramilitary police after terrifying neighbours with a knife and threatening to detonate a store of chemicals with the TV remote.

"One push of the button will blow up half of Brisbane," Fryatt shouted in the standoff last May before police in the Queensland state capital opened fire with rubber bullets.

Fryatt's lawyer told the Brisbane District Court that his client lost control after losing much of his life savings in a fraud carried out by his finance broker, local media said.

The judge was less than amused at Mr. Fryatt's threat. He also was unmoved by the defendant's complaint that probation might interfere with plans to do aid work in a third world country.

"Let's get you right before we send you off to a third world country," the judge said.

Apparently Fryatt's brightness control didn't work any better than his "detonate" button did. (Frankly, I'm surprised at the light sentence.)

When Snow Shovels Are Outlawed

Only outlaws will have snow shovels. Two women in a grocery store parking lot foiled a double purse snatching by grabbing a snow shovel from the would-be robbers own truck and beating the heck out of the criminal masterminds.

MARYLAND HEIGHTS, Mo. - It looks like a couple of suburban St. Louis purse snatchers picked the wrong women to attack. The victims fought back — with a snow shovel.
 
Police in Maryland Heights released details of the Sunday incident outside a Schnucks grocery store. The women were unloading groceries when the thieves tried to steal two purses from their cart.

One of the women grabbed a shovel from the suspects' pickup and smacked one of the men upside the head. The other woman jumped into the cab and attacked the other suspect, then grabbed the keys so he couldn't drive away.

The AP report should be bronzed or something. I do not recall ever reading the words "upside the head" in a news report from them unless they were quoting someone. The thief required a number of staples in his wounded head to fix the damage the crime-fighting shovelist dealt him. One hopes the police department in Maryland Heights awards the women a golden shovel award for their crime-busting skills.

Here’s Another Hot Tune

A volunteer at a community radio station in Austin, Texas became angry when the playlist he had submitted was changed. So he took direct action:

He set fire to the radio station.

AUSTIN, Texas - A volunteer at a community radio station set fire to the station because he was upset that his song selections for an overnight Internet broadcast were changed, police said.

Paul Webster Feinstein, 24, has been charged with second-degree felony arson for the Jan. 5 fire that caused $300,000 damage to the studios of 91.7 FM KOOP. He faces from two to 20 years in prison and a $10,000 fine if convicted.

Feinstein told investigators that he was "very unhappy" about the changes to his playlist, said Austin Fire Department Battalion Chief Greg Nye. The songs were intended for an Internet broadcast that occurs when the station is off the air.

"He had a dream of a career in radio and was very disappointed about where it had led him," Nye said.

Probably the most ironic thing about this is that Feinstein's radio program was named "Mellow Down Easy." Well, he'll have a long spell to mellow down in the Texas penal system (I'd bet on him getting the higher end of the sentencing range, frankly).

Phony Tough Guy Meets Real Thing

In fact, Jay Grodner, Chicago divorce lawyer and legend in his own mind, met a whole room full of the real things. Grodner vandalized a Marine's personal car, simply because the car had a marine insignia. When he went to court to plea in the case, the Marine who's car was vandalized, Sgt. Michael McNulty, could not be there since he is preparing for a deployment to Iraq. So some other people showed up instead. The courtroom was packed with Marines. The judge in the case served in the Marines. The prosecutor in the case served in the Marines.

Jay Grodner, the Chicago lawyer who keyed a Marine's car in anger because the car had military plates and a Marine insignia, finally got his day in court last week.

Grodner pleaded guilty in a Chicago courtroom packed with former Marines. Some had Marine pins on their coats, or baseball jackets with the Marine insignia. They didn't yell or call him names. They came to support Marine Sgt. Michael McNulty, whose car Grodner defaced in December, but who couldn't attend because he's preparing for his second tour in Iraq.

Grodner was late to court for the second time in the case. Grodner called Assistant State's Attorney Patrick Kelly, (Marine Corps/Vietnam 1969-1972), informing Kelly that he would be late to court.

"He wanted to avoid the media," Kelly said Friday. "So he's coming a half hour late."

"I don't run my courtroom that way!" responded Judge William O'Malley, ordering Grodner be arrested and held on $20,000 bail when he arrived. Finally, Grodner strolled in. A short man, wide, wearing a black fedora, dark glasses, a divorce lawyer dressed like some tough guy in the movies.

Grodner told me he'd describe himself as a "radical liberal" who's ready to leave Chicago now with all this negative publicity and move to the south of France and do some traveling.

Judge O'Malley has also traveled, but in his youth. He was a police officer on the West Side during the riots before law school. And before that, he performed another public service. Judge O'Malley served in the U.S. Marine Corps from 1961-1964.

During the proceedings, the judge described the offense as anger rose in his voice, especially as Grodner started balking on a plea arrangement he'd made with prosecutors.

"Is this what you did? Yes or no," Judge O'Malley asked Grodner.

"Without knowing, yes," Grodner said, sticking to his I-might-have-done-it-but-didn't-really-mean-it defense.

O'Malley asked again, in a stronger voice, not that of a judge but of a cop on the street or a Marine who meant business.

"DID YOU KNOWINGLY CAUSE DAMAGE TO THIS CAR?" O'Malley asked.

Grodner bowed his head, meekly, and responded in an equally meek voice:

"Yes," he said.

The judge promised Grodner a year in jail if he fails to meet all of the conditions of the plea agreement. I have no doubt whatsoever that Judge O'Malley will carry through with that promise exactly. Grodner should also be aware that real tough guys do not threaten.

They state fact.

More from Robbie at Urban Grounds, Blackfive and Wizbang.

Batter Up

A terrified burglar ran like heck when confronted by the man who's house he was attempting to rob. One can imagine why he ran like the wind, too. It isn't often one is being chased down the road by an underwear and socks-clad man waving an ax handle in subfreezing weather.

(Jose) Sedillo, 46, who lives roughly four miles outside this western Colorado town, said he was dozing in his shorts, a T-shirt and socks Monday afternoon when he heard noises and an intruder opened his bedroom door.

"I jumped up. He looked me right in the eye. I reached for my bat, and off to the races we went," Sedillo said. He said his "bat" is actually the hickory handle of a pick ax.

After Sedillo called 911, Garfield County deputies arrested two suspects. Sedillo identified one as the man who barged into his bedroom.

Sedillo says that he's glad he wasn't wearing a thong. Since the current temperature in Silt is running at about 20° F, he should be happy. He could have frozen something right off.

On the other hand, the story would have been even funnier than it already is.

Today’s Male Cringe Moment

A man attempting to commit an armed robbery had what can only be described as a really, really bad day. He walked into the store, demanding money and a pack of cigarettes. That's when things started going south. Rapidly.

The clerk put the cash in a bag and as she turned to get the cigarettes, she heard the gun discharge.

Police say surveillance video shows the man shooting himself as he placed the gun in the waistband of his pants. The clerk wasn't injured.

A short time later, police found Derrick Kosch, 25, at a home with a gunshot wound to his right testicle and lower left leg. He was expected to have surgery at a hospital.

Erm, where else would he have surgery? Police are planning to charge him with armed robbery. I suppose a littering charge would be a bit too much.

In Chicago, The Dead May Vote…

…But in New York City, they cash checks. Two men have been arrested for wheeling the dead body of a roommate to a local check cashing store and trying to cash the dead man's Social Security check. Oh, and they used an office chair to do so.

David J. Dalaia and James O'Hare pushed Virgilio Cintron's body from the Manhattan apartment that O'Hare and Cintron shared to Pay-O-Matic, about a block away, spokesman Paul Browne said witnesses told police.

"The witnesses saw the two pushing the chair with Cintron flopping from side to side and the two individuals propping him up and keeping him from flopping from side to side," Browne said.

The men left Cintron's body outside the store, went inside and tried to cash his $355 check, Browne said. The store's clerk, who knew Cintron, asked the men where he was, and O'Hare told the clerk they would go and get him, Browne said.

A police detective who was having lunch at a restaurant next to the check-cashing store noticed a crowd forming around Cintron's body, and "it's immediately apparent to him that Cintron is dead," Browne said.

The detective called uniformed New York Police Department officers at a nearby precinct. Emergency medical technicians arrived as O'Hare and Dalaia were preparing to wheel Cintron's body into the check-cashing store, Browne said. Police arrested Dalaia and O'Hare there, he said.

Cintron had died of natural causes. This reads like something out of a Monty Python skit - or a National Lampoon Vacation movie.

Department Of Cosmic Justice

This is so ironic that no fiction writer would dare to try to put it in a story; nobody would believe it. A burglary suspect arrested by police cleverly gave a false address to avoid a search of his residence. The suspect was released after arraignment. A few hours later, said suspect became the victim of an armed robbery.

Whereupon he gave police his real address.

Police say 22-year-old Daniel Cabral was arrested Wednesday and charged with burglarizing a University of Massachusetts-Dartmouth building. He was arraigned and released until his next court date.

Hours later, he was robbed at gunpoint while walking home from a bar. He reported the robbery to police, this time giving them his real address instead of the phony address he reported earlier in the day, according to authorities.

Police arrested two suspects and a man accused of being an accomplice after the fact. They also obtained a search warrant for Cabral's real address and found computer equipment that had been taken from the UMass building as well as power tools that had been reported missing from a local theater.

Sometimes that old karmic wheel spins really, really fast, doesn't it?