ZAP!

Generally speaking, we here at Blue Crab Boulevard do not recommend trying what 33-year old Jessica Lynch of Guemes Island, Washington did. That is, hanging out of a second story window while holding on to a metal railing to take video of a thunderstorm. There is a certain inevitability about what happened next.

Jessica Lynch can be heard screaming in fear after the lightning blew a hole in the ground just feet from where she was recording, in astonishing footage posted on the internet.

Mrs Lynch, 33, says an arc from the lightning struck her on her left thumb, before passing up her arm, across her back and out the other arm. Arcs are electric currents that flow through the air, similar to lightning itself.

Ms. Lynch was able to post the "unedited screaming version" of the video she took. She also has admitted that her strategy for filming thunderstorms requires a little fine tuning. We're not pointing fingers at Ms. Lynch, incidentally. We have been known to send the rest of the occupants of the Crabitat to the basement during violent storms while personally standing outside to take pictures. Having seen Ms. Lynch's video, we will take additional precautions when we photograph storms.

We'll wear brown trousers.

Cannibals

Apropos Rich's post from yesterday about Ted "I Got Mine" Turner. We got cannibals.

The “Lay America’s Throat Open” Strategy

It speaks for itself:

Obama is willing to essentially disarm the United States or so cripple its defenses that I am left without adequate words to describe how this makes me feel. All I can say at this point is that Obama may have just laid his throat open for Hillary Clinton. Maybe, just maybe, she just got her miracle. But she has to pounce - now.  

(Video via Ace.) 

Clean, Safe Wind Power

Peg Leg Peggy Polly

I got a girl, her name is Peg
She looks kind of pretty but she's got a wooden leg
She's got a leg shaped like the leg of a chair
But when it comes to dancing, no one can compare

Peg Leg Peggy she really knows how to hop
She really knows how to hop
She really knows how to hop
When it comes to dancing she's the queen
She sounds just like a sewing machine
Peg Leg Peggy she really knows how to hop
She really knows how to hop
She really knows how to hop
(J. Entwistle, Peg Leg Peggy)

Okay, inquiring minds want to know one thing: who rides on who's shoulder? The Telegraph reports that a parrot is about to be fitted with a wooden leg.  

A one-legged parrot that keeps slipping off his perch is to be fitted with a 'wooden leg'.

George, a ten-year-old African Grey, lost a claw after being attacked by a wild animal which broke into his cage a year and a half ago.

The missing limb means whenever George tries to sleep, he slips off his perch, squawking "Bloody Hell!" in surprise.
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Concerned for her pet, the bird's owner Sheila Weare sought advice from experts at the University of Salford.

Mrs Weare, from Crewe told the BBC: “You can tell by the way he fidgets that he's not comfortable and he has to bite the bars of his cage at night to balance."

In the hope of giving bird and owner a good night's sleep, the perch will be fitted with a specially-moulded slot, into which George will be trained to insert his stump at night. 

The real problem will come when the pirate tries to balance on the parrot's shoulder. Polly will want a truss after that. There is actually one element of this story that disturbs me greatly: Dr Glyn Heath, who is the person making the parrot's new leg has also constructed "a 'wheelchair' for a paraplegic rat," according to the report. 

Now I'm going to have nightmares about rodents on skateboards.

(Side note: If you have never heard John Entwistle's Rigor Mortis Sets In album (where Peg Leg Peggy appears), you have missed some of the greatest lead bass ever played.)

I’ve Seen The Bright Lights Of Memphis…

..And the Commodore Hotel. I linked a video of Paul Barrere and Fred Tackett of Little Feat performing Dixie Chicken.  One commenter noted that it wasn't quite the same without Lowell George. (Maybe different, but still good, mind you.) Well, I just found this clip while rooting around amongst the interwebby tubes. Enjoy. 

Berkeley Surrenders

The mayor of Berkeley and two members of the city council appear to be backing away from their anti-Marine stance. 

BERKELEY, Calif. — As six Republican senators devised a plan to yank $2.3 million in federal funding for Berkeley programs, the mayor of the famously liberal city apologized Wednesday for his hard stance against a Marine recruiting center.

Two City Council members vowed to soften their stance as well.

At their Tuesday council meeting, leaders will discuss scrapping a letter that might be perceived as targeting the center or the Marines.

The letter said that the recruiting center was not welcome on Shattuck Avenue and that the Marines were uninvited and unwelcome intruders.

"That letter will probably be pulled back and maybe more moderate language will be put in place which is appropriate I think," said Berkeley mayor Tom Bates.

"Subtly stated in the resolution is perhaps an impugning of the soldiers fighting for us in Iraq and other places," Berkeley City Councilman Laurie Capitelli. "And that was never the intention but that really needs to be cleared up. As I walked to my car that night I realized I regretted it and I had made a mistake."

Bates said the city didn't mean to offend anyone in the armed forces and the focus should have been on the war not the troops.

"There's really no correlation between federal funds for schools, water ferries and police communications systems and the council's actions, for God's sake," said Bates, a retired U.S. Army captain. "We apologize for any offense to any families of anyone who may serve in Iraq. We want them to come home and be safe at home."

The letter was originally approved in January and has not been sent.

I would submit that there certainly is a correlation and that the city council has found that out the hard way. The city council and the mayor voted to insult one of the very organizations that enable it to speak out freely. But, as they have so many times in their history, the Marines have triumphed. From the Halls of Montezuma, to the shores of Berkeley….

Ireland Fields Singing, Dancing Turkey Sockpuppet

No, no, no. Despite the title, the post isn't about this guy. Ireland has entered a singing, dancing sockpuppet turkey into the annual Eurovision song contest. No, really, they have. This is not, however, sitting well with some people.

Dustin the Turkey, a children's entertainer with a good line in bad songs, has undermined Ireland's reputation as a mystical land of song and story by entering the Eurovision Song Contest.

The annual contest is no stranger to turkeys particularly as far as recent British entries are concerned. Nor is Eurovision a stranger to bad taste.
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But should Dustin be chosen as the Republic of Ireland's entrant, it will be the first time that a turkey in the form of a glove puppet has represented a nation.

Although it should be remembered that Turkey in the form of the country triumphed in 2003 when Sertab Erener sang 'Every Way That I Can'. Dustin is one off six acts that has been short-listed in Ireland.

Already, the children's entertainer's song Irlande Douze Points has emerged as a clear favourite.

The winning entry will be chosen in a public telephone vote on February 23. Dustin's song sung in a North Dublin accent urges the contest judges to “give douze points to Ireland, for its lowlands and its highlands, for Wogan's wig and Bono's leather pants. We brought you Guinness and Westlife, 800-years of war and strife, but we all apologise for Riverdance.”

Although his albums have sold well in Ireland, Dustin's flippant attitude has not gone down well in certain quarters of a country with a proud Eurovision record.

Frank McNamara, who wrote two of the Irish Republic's seven winners, said that the selection of Dustin by RTE, the state broadcaster, as one of the six acts was “giving two fingers to Irish songwriters”. 

One of Dustin's best selling albums is entitled "Poultry in Motion."  We admire that sense of humor in a puppet. In honor of the Irish version of Rick Ellensburg, then, here's Dustin performing Riverdance:

“Sorry For Being Topless”

Warning: The link is NOT safe for work. The article comes from the Daily Mail and is written by Simon Mills, describing how Carla Bruni greeted him when he showed up at her apartment to conduct an interview. The presumed soon-to-be (or maybe already is) first lady of France appears in a photo in the article sans-culottes. In fact sans anything.

A Gorgeous, husky-voiced supermodel greeting me with the words "Sorry for being topless" will go down in memory as the greatest celebrity introduction of my journalistic career.

As an opening gambit, it was pure conversational Viagra and a welcome change from the cold, dead-eyed greetings you usually get from actresses, models and TV starlets.

Although perhaps not quite the brand of etiquette you'd expect from a woman who may well become France's first lady.

But that's how Carla Bruni, who appears to be the new wife of French president Nicolas Sarkozy, decided to present herself to me not that long ago when I encountered her at her home, a grand, shabby-chic apartment in a fashionable Paris arrondissement.

Carla, naked from the waist up, was having her make-up done at the time - I was interviewing her for a glossy magazine - and seemed only vaguely embarrassed by her evidently chilly state of undress.

Carla, naked from the waist up, was having her make-up done at the time - I was interviewing her for a glossy magazine - and seemed only vaguely embarrassed by her evidently chilly state of undress.

Well, she was a model - they tend to be fairly businesslike about that sort of thing. What worries me is that this might give Bill Clinton ideas. Yechhhh.

Once again, the link is NSFW, click accordingly. For those unable to click that link, here's a consolation prize (Safe for work).

The image was published as an opinion poll revealed that the vast majority of French people are sick of hearing about the romantic escapades of their President.

The TNS Sofres poll for La Croix daily said 93 percent of people thought the media had dedicated too much space to Mr Sarkozy's private life, while 52 percent thought too much space was given to covering his political actions.

Interesting dynamic here.

Brutal Cold Envelopes Midwest

Accuweather is calling for even more brutally cold temperatures through the Midwest in the next few days. The northernmost areas will have sub-zero temperatures through the day while the midsection will see "balmy" single digits. And it is going to be a very, very cold day for football on Sunday:

The Midwest Regional News story reports two shots of frigid Arctic air by Saturday will spread out of the northern Plains into the Midwest before reaching the East Coast and the Deep South Sunday.
 
The combination of cold air and frigid winds will produce potentially dangerous conditions for anyone venturing outdoors for extended periods.

Motorists traveling across the northern Plains and Upper Midwest should prepare a winter emergency kit for their vehicle.

The Severe Weather Center lists the widespread wind chill advisories and warnings in effect from the Dakotas to northern Indiana.

International Falls, Minn., this weekend will live up to its nickname "The Icebox of America." Temperatures through Monday will fail to rise to zero, and overnight lows will be at least 20 degrees below zero with the wind creating RealFeel® temperatures of 40 degrees below zero.

RealFeel® temperatures overnight across the northern and central Plains include:

Flag Island, Minn.: -48°
Warroad, Minn.: -44°
Bemidji, Minn.: -43°
Devils Lake, N.D.: -41°
Spencer, Iowa: -33°

It will be bitterly cold Sunday for both National Football League Conference Championship games. The RealFeel® temperature will be hovering around zero when the New England Patriots take on the San Diego Chargers in the early game at Gillette Stadium in Foxboro, Mass.

In the late game at the "Frozen Tundra", better known as Lambeau Field in Green Bay, Wis.,  the Green Bay Packers and New York Giants at kickoff will deal with an actual temperature in the single digits and a RealFeel® temperature near 10 below zero.

I just stepped outside a few minutes ago. It is currently a tropical 7° F under absolutely clear skies with virtually no breeze. It's going to be a three dog plus an electric blanket plus a Salamander** night tonight. In honor of the occasion, it seems fitting to think of warmer times. Ten Degrees and Getting Colder sounds pretty good right now. (Gordon Lightfoot song at that last link.)

** UPDATE: The Salamander reference is a joke, folks. Those are not something one uses in a tightly enclosed structure like a house.

The Magic Of The Theater

I thought that Yale Dean of Student Affairs Betty Trachtenberg was, well, nuts, when she demanded that student theatrical groups remove all prop weapons from their productions. In fact, I had fun with that whole incident. Little did I realize that Trachtenberg was actually a little ahead of the curve on that particular bit of madness. Because the British government have taken it a step further.

They are demanding gun lockers for plastic weaponry.

A village amateur dramatic group performing Robinson Crusoe has had to tell police about the use of plastic swords because of health and safety fears.

The Carnon Downs Drama Group, at Perranwell, Cornwall, must lock up its two plastic cutlasses, six wooden swords and a toy gun when they are not in use and appoint a "responsible guardian" for them.

The group said it informed police about the use of replica weapons after studying new health and safety guidelines and new legislation to crack down on violent crime. Later this month, about 700 people are due to attend six performances of the group's pantomime, featuring several swashbuckling sword fights.

Seriously, seriously demented, folks. This is PC on steroids. And this is exactly why British men are rebelling against the tyranny of the forces of the Politically Correct by building ever more lethal rubber band weaponry:

(H/T to Lars Walker over at Brandywine books for that gem of a video. In the credits at the end of the video, I'd only offer one small correction: "I am become death, the destroyer of floppies.")

Obambi Versus Clintzilla

Robert Tracinski uses that as the title for his column that is up over at Real Clear Politics. Comparing Obama's dewy-eyed, vague message of change to the brutal, hard-nosed, bare-knuckle politics of the Clintons, makes that comparison rather apt. As he says, you have to decide which is worse.

But something odd is happening. Obambi is arguably beating Clintzilla.

The reason is not hard to discern: it is Obama's fresh, earnest idealism. The root of his appeal is that the damned fool actually means it: he puts forth every liberal bromide as if it were still 1960. He has inspired many comparison to JFK, with some dubbing his campaign "Obamalot," after the conventional view of the first years of the Kennedy administration as an idealized "Camelot." As I put it earlier this year, when Obama first emerged as a major candidate: "The left has always longed for a young, charismatic leader who will present the illusion of the left as a realm of bright-eyed, progressive idealists–an illusion that hides the tired, corrupt old ideas at the movement's core. They want JFK as they remember him–not the portrait of Dorian Gray represented by his brother Teddy. Obama restores that illusion for them."

But the problem of Obama's naiveté isn't just a smear thrown out by the Clinton machine; it is real and substantial. He demonstrated that when, in the early Democratic debates, he promised to solve the world's problems by inviting Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Hugo Chavez for tea at the White House–and then, in a hasty bid to make himself look like he could still be a tough guy–clumsily followed up with a proposal to unilaterally invade the lawless tribal regions of Pakistan. It was a policy that was incoherent at best…..

….This, alas, is the style of Senator Clinton's superior sophistication: the art of embracing two opposite policies at once. She is, of course, either lying to the far left when she tells them that she intends to withdraw from Iraq–or she's lying to the center when she assures them that she will be responsible about protecting America's assets and allies there. Or she's lying to both.

It is no surprise that many Democrats–particularly younger ones–have chosen the plain-spoken idealist over the calculating, triangulating pragmatist. But Obama's naivete and his idealism are inseparably intertwined–as is Clinton's experience and cynicism. They are flip sides of the basic dilemma of the contemporary Democratic Party.

Jack Wakeland hit the essential issue in 2004 when he commented in TIA Daily on the eve of Barack Obama's speech Democratic convention, the moment that launched Obama as a nation figure: "He speaks without a shadow a moral doubt, as if the moral ideal of socialism had never been put on trial, found guilty, and destroyed as the system of government for the Soviet Union and Eastern Europe. He speaks as if the socialist ideal were a new and untested plan that promises a bright future for the world."

Cynical versus clueless? Not a lot of real choice there. But Obama is really about to find out just how ugly the Clintons play politics, I rather suspect. Hillary pulling off a narrow victory in New Hampshire was enough to ensure she will not get out early. It also guarantees that Clinton will go increasingly negative - then try to lay the blame for that on the right. But it will be coming from Camp Clinton. You can take that to the bank. Perhaps a short instructional film would be in order here.

May The Farce Be With You

A group of eight friends, operating out of a garage in Britain, are filming spoofs of the Star Wars films that rival the originals in quality. They're doing it for a song, too, with production costs of around £3,000 to produce the two they have made so far: The Empire Strikes Backyard and The Emperor's New Clones.

The films have been made by Backyard Productions, who have spoofed two of the six Star Wars movies, calling them The Empire Strikes Backyard and the newest offering: Star Wars - The Emperor’s New Clones.

Darren Scales, who co-founded Backyard Productions, said they transformed everyday objects into unlikely, realistic space-age props.

He said: “We have got bubble wrap on the ceiling, we’ve got bottle tops and yoghurt pots on the walls along with tubes from the centre of rolls of carpets.

"The blasters are water pistols, we just stuck a few bits of lids on, add a bit of spray paint and then you have a blaster.

"You take a hard hat, put an Imperial sticker on it and suddenly it’s an Imperial work helmet for someone building the Death Star - it’s not rocket science.

"It’s the same with the light sabres. Up close they look awful but you put a stick in it, you hold it and on screen you can’t tell the difference.”

The amateur company, which has an eight-strong team, shot their first short sketches in 1993 but have gone on to spoof some major Hollywood films, including Jurassic Park (entitled “Geriatric Park”) and the Indiana Jones Films (called “Doom Raiders”).

Obviously home videos to begin with, the birth of modern technology has seen the latest films take on a far more professional look, so much so they are hard at first glance to tell apart from the real thing.

You can judge for yourself by watching the trailer for The Empire Strikes Backyard. They actually have some nicely done special effects.

It cost George Lucas millions to do what these guys can now do in a garage. Isn't technology wonderful?

More Science That Than You Need To Know

Yesterday, we brought the news that the primary cause of missing golf balls had been discovered: Fairway Pythons. Well, guys, it just got worse. Science has discovered a real menace: The Fashion Snake. And they're eating the models!

And we thought it was bad when they were going for the shoes.

The March Of The Emperors

You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll laugh until you cry. Then, you'll fall out of your chair.

Just one of the top time-wasters of 2007, as picked by Steve Bass at PC World. My personal favorites are the above video, Animator versus Animation II, and do not miss the advanced tin foil hat instructions.

(If you try any of the games, I disavow any marital problems they may cause.)