Darn It! What Are We Going To Do With The New Proton Packs?

The Johnson County (Iowa) Board of Supervisors has withdrawn its permission for self-described ghost hunters to search a former mental asylum.

Board members last month approved an investigation of the buildings, but decided to vote it down in response to negative feedback, said Board Chairman Rod Sullivan.

He said the board initially did not oppose a request from the Johnson County Historical Society to have a paranormal team conduct a free investigation at the site, which is now a private residential care facility for the mentally ill called Chatham Oaks.

Gee, what negative response could they possibly have gotten? Sadly, it means sales of this item will be flat in Johnson county, for now at least.

Fauxhenge

Following up on Gaius' story about a replica Stonehenge in Australia, all I can say why go Down Under when you can just go to Texas?

This great American road trip destination improves upon the original by also being the site of the following:

This comes in handy because you weren't really gonna make it to Easter Island this year, now were you?

Counterfeit Stonehenge

An Australian businessman is building a full-sized replica of Stonehenge in Australia. Ross Smith has had a team of quarry workers cutting replica stones for the past five months and plans to have the whole thing built by December 21 of this year - the summer solstice down under.

"I'm doing it because I can," said Ross Smith, the former owner of a successful microbrewery business who plans to build the monument on his property in Western Australia. "Nowhere in the world has a complete Stonehenge been built."

The $1.26 million project, to be called The Henge, will include 101 granite stones arranged in an inner and outer circle, a central altar, and will span 110 feet.

"I've studied plans of the original and that's what The Henge will look like," Smith said.

Unlike the original Stonehenge, guests will be encouraged to touch and play around the new monument, which will also have an interpretive center and a children's playground.

Smith called The Henge "a business venture." An entry fee will be charged and it will be hired out for weddings and other events.

Actually, I'm surprised nobody has done this before. (One waits breathlessly for the howls of outrage from fake druids over the fake Stonehenge.) Smith is hoping for 200,000 to 300,000 visitors annually. Hmmm. Maybe we should get one of these for the garden here at the Crabitat. Nah - too much to mow around.

Bomb Scares In The News

Staffers at a Fort Wayne, Indiana law office panicked when they found a suspicious box containing an unknown object and called police. After much deliberation, the bomb squad decided to detonate the gift. The turnip did not detonate, however.

Officers then called the city's bomb unit, which brought in a robot to carry the package outside to a parking lot. X-rays showed no signs of an explosive, but bomb technicians decided to detonate the package with a water cannon just to be safe, police spokesman Michael Joyner said.

After that, they opened the box and found the turnip, wrapped in lettuce-green tissue paper inside a sandwich bag.

Turnips only cause detonations when consumed. Or that's the excuse Uncle Guido likes to use, at any rate. Meanwhile, in Corpus Chisti, Texas, the pineapple did detonate.

CORPUS CHRISTI, Texas - The police department was briefly evacuated after a woman decided she should bring in a hand grenade she found.

The unidentified woman handed it to an officer Thursday after finding it while cleaning out a relative's belongings. The officer immediately took it outside the building and police cleared the building until the bomb squad took it away and detonated it about an hour later.

The bomb squad supervisor used highly technical jargon to describe the result of his team's efforts:

"When we countercharged it, it went boom…"

Thank heavens for experts.  

Steamed Buns?

We can laugh about this one since nobody was hurt. A nursing home employee in Auburn, Washington made an emergency call to the local fire department. It seems the toilets were exploding with steam. 

AUBURN, Wash. - An employee of an Auburn nursing home called firefighters for help on Tuesday because the toilets were exploding with steam. The fire department said there was a boiler malfunction at Regency Auburn Rehabilitation Center that caused a minor explosion.

The blast set off the sprinkler system and flooded the floors of the three-story building.

The Valley Regional Fire Authority said no one was hurt, but water damaged electrical systems and the kitchen. So, 72 occupants had to be temporarily moved to five other rehabilitation facilities using ambulances, buses and vans.

Well, finally a true exploding toilet story! One wonders how the steam managed to get into the sanitary lines. (Possibly a blowdown line?) One thing is for sure, we have no interest in getting one of these for home. Third degree bidets sound really painful.

Alaskans Play With Their Food

The inhabitants of Anchorage, Alaska appear to have entirely too much time on their hands. They've taken to playing with their food in a big way. But the reindeer won the first annual Running of the Reindeer handily.

ANCHORAGE, Alaska - From sausages to stews, reindeer are usually a main dish in Alaska.

But the antlered animals were the main event at Anchorage's first annual running of the reindeer.

A cheering crowd of hundreds lined snow-packed Fourth Avenue Sunday to watch what was touted as Alaska's version of Spain's famed running of the bulls.

"Normally we just eat them," said Mark Berg, a spectator who has lived in Alaska since 1967. "I just made some jambalaya the other day out of reindeer sausage. I've eaten more of their cousins than they want to know."

Seven little reindeer, looking a bit bewildered, stood next to their handlers as a crowd of roughly 1,000 costumed runners chatted excitedly at the start.

We here at Blue Crab Boulevard are pretty sure that Pamplona has nothing to worry about. The costumed runners were apparently slowed down by their carrot and lichen attire, allowing the reindeer to win the race outright. Either that or the sight of giant abulatory plant life gave the reindeer's hooves wings.

We'd run like heck if we saw that. 

Are Women Human?

Put down the clubs, ladies, I am merely repeating the title of a book that is up for the prestigious Oddest Book Title Award. No really. Please put that down. 

"I was Tortured by the Pygmy Love Queen" recounts the tale of a fictional U.S. World War Two fighter pilot who is captured by jungle pygmies led by a sadistic woman.

Its sequel, which is not on the shortlist released by trade publication The Bookseller (www.thebookseller.com) Friday, needs no explanation: "Go Ahead, Woman, Do Your Worst."

"How to Write a How to Write Book" and "Cheese Problems Solved" are likewise self-explanatory as is the equally eclectic niche tome "People who Mattered in Southend and Beyond: From King Canute to Dr. Feelgood" that strives to put the English east coast resort on the map.

While none of the above may challenge the sensibilities too much, others are likely to prove more divisive. Try "If You Want Closure in Your Relationship, Start With Your Legs" or "Are Women Human? And other International Dialogues."

The website is here. Please put that down, it looks sharp. The award is formally called the Diagram Prize. I regret to inform readers that the keepers of the prize somehow managed to pass over what simply has to be the most scintillating book title in recent history this year: Squid Recruitment Dynamics. Honest.

Oh heck. Now the squids are going to be after me, too.  

Don’t Throw Out Those Old DVDs!

Make body armor out of them. A firefighter was spared a bullet wound when a ricocheting bullet was stopped by a DVD he had in his pocket.

WALTERBORO, S.C. - A South Carolina man is thankful for a DVD that ended up taking a bullet for him. Colleton County Fire and Rescue Director Barry McRoy says he was leaving a Waffle House restaurant in Walterboro on Saturday morning when two men ran in fighting over a gun. Police say a bullet hit one of the struggling men, shattered a window and then hit McRoy.

The bullet hit a DVD McRoy was carrying in his pocket. He suffered a bruise but didn't realize he had been shot. As he told a police officer what happened he noticed a bullet hole in his jacket, the shattered DVD case and a piece of the bullet.

"I was saved by a DVD," McRoy says. "How lucky can you get?"

The only thing that would make this story even better is if the movie on the DVD was Bulletproof. Alas, it was not, it was a program about fire extinguishers. Dang.

The Electric Slide(r)

The Daily Mail has a report of a self-proclaimed "slider" or one who causes havoc with streetlights and other electrical and electronic gadgetry just be being near to them. Critics note that the "slider" effect has never been shown to exist in a controlled setting.

Street lamps flicker when she passes, TVs change channels when she walks into a room and she sends electronic clocks haywire.

Debbie Wolf claims she is one of Britain's growing army of "sliders" - people who believe their presence causes havoc with household appliances, radios and light bulbs.

Her bizarre abilities, dubbed by paranormal experts "Street Light Interference" syndrome or SLI, don't just make life a nuisance for Debbie, they have earned her international fame.

In Japan she has been likened to heroines from cult Manga comic strips. Others have made comparisons with the cult fantasy show Heroes - in which ordinary people develop superhero abilities.

Sceptics say SLI is purely wishful thinking and coincidence - and has yet to be demonstrated by Debbie or anyone else in a controlled laboratory experiment.

But if Debbie and her fellow "electric people" are proved right, scientists will have to re-write all the known rules of physics.

Well, no, they wouldn't necessarily. They would have to figure out how the sliders manage to send interference. Different thing altogether. But onward to the skeptics:

Prof Richard Wiseman - who studies paranormal phenomena at the University of Hertfordshire - said he is contacted by two new sliders each week.

He suspects that phenomenon is caused by "observer bias" - and the fact that aging sodium street lamps flick on and off for days or weeks before they day.

"There's nothing cranky about this - this are ordinary people who genuinely believe they have this effect," said Prof Wiseman.

"However, to my knowledge this effect has never been demonstrated in a controlled setting.

"I think it is most likely to be the result of selective attention. Street lamps are going on and off all the time because they are faulty or because their timers aren't set properly.

"People only have to walk under a couple of lamps going off to think that they might be the cause.

And once they think that, they start noticing every instance where a light goes off and ignore the times when they don't."

He added: "I was once sent a video where a man filmed himself walking under street lamps for three hours.

"At the end of three hours one went out and he was convinced he had caused it. But statistically, nothing special was going on."

I'd go with observer bias unless and until the effect is shown under controlled, replicable experiment. I'm sure the people involved truly believe they have this power, but I have serious doubts about the claims. Of course, if they want to claim they can pull an Uncle Fester, they may end up being wired to the electrical grid.

Driving With The Top Down Frowned On

Driving with the top down - and the bottoms off - when the vehicle operator isn't in a convertible, is illegal most places. It certainly is in Southern Illinois:

Police arrested Justin Flora, 34, of Marion, Ill., on Monday and charged him with two counts of public indecency after several female motorists reported him driving without a stitch of clothing.

Police Chief Jeff Tharp says Flora said he just liked to drive unencumbered to check out the ladies.

Tharp says Flora insisted he didn't mean to offend any one in the southern Illinois town of 8,200.

Dude, it's Illinois, not Brattleboro. Of course, it does appear to be spreading west, doesn't it?

"Unencumbered to check out the ladies." Well, it's original. Stupid, but original.

“He Treated Me Like A Dog”

The line from National Lampoon's Vacation comes to life today in the pages of Britain's Telegraph. First, there is a report of a lawsuit where a former butler alleges that his former employer treated the Butler "like an animal."

A butler had insults and walking sticks hurled at him before being thrown on to the streets by a diplomat's "despotic" widow, an employment tribunal heard.

Lady Killearn, the widow of Britain's ambassador to Cairo during the Second World War, owns a £10 million home in Harley Street, London, and Haremere Hall, a 17th century country house set in 145 acres of East Sussex.

She and her Eton-educated husband, Sir Miles Wedderburn Lampson, who became the 1st Baron Killearn, developed a reputation as society hosts and their guests included Winston Churchill and Charles de Gaulle.

However, Paolo Sclarandis, an Italian butler, claims he found 98-year-old Lady Killearn, whose husband died in 1964, living in squalid conditions when he took up employment at her London home in Sept 2004.

He told the hearing in Ashford, Kent: "Lady Killearn is despotic, she still thinks she is living in the glory days of the British Empire, but she lives in squalor, with dangerous wiring, piles of clothes in her cramped bedroom and her bathroom falling to pieces. And she treated me as her slave."

He said she would call him a "toad", "monster" and "selfish prat" during his 67-hour working weeks.

He added: "She was violent to me on many occasions. One time she threw walking sticks at me. I was treated like an animal."

The countercharges by Lady Killearn are just as lurid. Which is why the press is covering it, of course. Meanwhile, in more pet like news, a British couple was barred from boarding a bus. Because the man was treating the woman like a dog.

A Goth who walks his girlfriend on a leash has complained that he was discriminated against by a bus driver who refused to allow him to board.

Tasha Maltby, 19, and her fiance, Dani Graves, 25, were not allowed to get on a bus in Dewsbury, West Yorkshire, and claim the driver told them: : "We don't let freaks and dogs like you on."…

……Miss Maltby, from Dewsbury, who describes herself as a 'human pet' told the Daily Mail:

"It is definitely discrimination, almost like a hate crime. "I am a pet, I generally act animal like and I lead a really easy life," she said.

"I don't cook or clean and I don't go anywhere without Dani. It might seem strange but it makes us both happy. It's my culture and my choice. It isn't hurting anyone."

I fail to see the problem. Public conveyances have rules against people bringing pets on board. (The bus company is claiming the leash is a safety issue. That is quite legitimate. A sudden stop could break her neck.)

Sex And The…. Airplane?

Some flight attendants in Thailand are upset with a television show that they say paints them in a bad light. The show, War of Angels, depicts the romantic hijinks of fictional flight attendants and pilots.

BANGKOK (AFP) - Thai flight attendants on Monday lodged a formal complaint against a TV company for airing a salacious soap opera portraying female cabin crew fighting for the affections of a pilot.
 
Krishnaratn Puranarasamriddhi, vice president of the Thai Airways labour union, said "War of Angels", which aired earlier this month on Channel Five, ignored all the important safety and customer service work carried out by flight attendants.

"It is exaggerated," he told AFP. "It portrays bad images of our crew and it violates the crew's dignity."

Well, we can see how they could be upset by all this negative publicity. After all, the flight attendants aren't Australian.

CANBERRA (Reuters) - Two in three Australian travellers are either members of the notorious Mile High Club or would like to be a member, a survey showed on Monday.
 
Asked if they would consider a mid-air sexual encounter, almost half of 1,110 people surveyed wanted an adventure, while 12 percent already had mile-high membership wings.

"People are obviously looking for more stimulating entertainment than a movie or a CD when travelling by plane," Totaltravel.com global marketing manager Paul Fisher said.

A flight attendant for Australia's flag carrier Qantas was sacked last year after claiming to have had a tryst with actor Ralph Fiennes in a business class lavatory during a flight from Darwin to Mumbai.

Singapore Airlines last November asked passengers on its new super jumbo Airbus A380 aircraft, which had its maiden commercial flight from Singapore to Sydney, not to seek Mile High Club membership in first class cabins, which boast a double bed.

Does Boeing offer an optional condom dispenser for their aircraft?

A Mystery And A Dream

A dark unfathomed tide
Of interminable pride -
A mystery, and a dream,
Should my early life seem;
I say that dream was fraught
With a wild and waking thought
Of beings that have been,
Which my spirit hath not seen,
Had I let them pass me by,
With a dreaming eye!
(Edgar Allen Poe, Imitation)

The mysterious person known only as the Poe Toaster again managed to leave a half empty bottle of cognac and three red roses on the grave of Edgar Allen Poe. As in past years, the Poe Toaster managed to slip in and out of the Baltimore graveyard where Poe lies buried without being seen. This has happened every year since 1949 - although at least one person claims the entire thing was made up as a publicity stunt in the 1970s.

The visitor did not leave a note, Jerome said, electing not to respond to questions raised in the past year about the history and authenticity of the tribute.

Sam Porpora, a former church historian who led the fight to preserve the cemetery, claimed last summer that he cooked up the idea of the Poe toaster in the 1970s as a publicity stunt.

"We did it, myself and my tour guides," Porpora, a former advertising executive, said in August. "It was a promotional idea."

Porpora said someone else has since "become" the Poe toaster.

Jerome disputes Porpora's claims and says the tribute began in 1949 at the latest, pointing to a 1950 article in The (Baltimore) Evening Sun that mentions "an anonymous citizen who creeps in annually to place an empty bottle (of excellent label)" against the gravestone.

Jerome invites a handful of Poe enthusiasts to join him inside the church every year but withholds details of the tribute in an effort to help the toaster maintain his anonymity. He said the visitor no longer wears the wide-brimmed hat and scarf he donned in the past.

In 1993, the visitor left a note reading, "The torch will be passed." A later note said the man, who apparently died in 1998, had handed the tradition on to his two sons.

Some mysteries are better left unexplained. If it's a stunt, it's harmless. If it is a real tribute, it's harmless.

Fact Or Figment?

I have no idea what to make of this front page article from the Washington Post. It is rather long, fairly bizarre and ultimately asks more questions than it answers. I'll simply direct people over to read about what may be a new disease - or a complete figment of a number of people's imagination.

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia

One who displays “a persistent, abnormal, and unwarranted fear of long words” suffers from hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia. It used to be that you heard about claustrophobia (close places) or agoraphobia (open places) and more recently Coulrophobia (clowns), but now you can sort through a handy dandy list of things to be phobic about.

It is enough to give someone an irrational fear of long and faintly improbable-sounding words.

In fact according to an exhaustive list of unusual phobias the fear of long words already exists and has a name.

A catalogue of fears unearthed by New Scientist magazine, claims sufferers have hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia, or sesquippedaliophobia for short, which describes “a persistent, abnormal, and unwarranted fear of long words”.

The list of hundreds of unlikely irrational fears, which can leave their sufferers with shortness of breath, rapid breathing, an irregular heartbeat, sweating, nausea, and overall feelings of dread was taken from a US counselling website.

Among the bizarre crippling dreads listed on changethatsrightnow.com are the ridiculous sounding zemmiphobia, or fear of the great mole rat, and alektorophobia, or a fear of chickens.

We would just point out that the "exhaustive" list is far from complete. It does not list the most important fear: Kabourophobia. Or the even more frightening Cyanokabourophobia.

(Side note, my youngest boy simply piped up at the dinner table one night with the word Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia - and then spelled it correctly. He's going to be a riot at parties.)

UPDATE: My son, and commenter clifto, caught a typo, direct from the MSM article! (I had my son check it. In fact, when I told him I had posted about this he specifically asked if they had spelled it correctly, pointing out that the extra 'p' is a common misspelling.)